Perfection || h.s.

Chapter 11 - Waiting

*Harry's Point Of View*

It's been exactly twenty four hours since she took the pills. She's in a coma. The doctors say it doesn't look good, but she has a strong immune system so theres a small chance that she'll pull through. But, of you decide to hurt yourself, does your immune system fight it? Or is it involuntary. I really, really hope it's involuntary.

Beth was the most beautiful person in the world. The only girl I've ever been truly in love with. My first crush. My first friend. My first kiss.

I don't know if I'll be able to carry on if she doesn't make it.

"Beth, if you can hear me, wake up," I pleaded to her seemingly lifeless body. Obviously, there was no response. "I love you, Bethy," I smiled sadly. "Please forgive me," I felt a tear fall. "I slept with someone," I choked. "I'm so, so sorry," I sobbed.

I was holding her cold hand. Beth's hands were always so warm. Did comas make you cold? Should I give her my jacket? Or would that be silly?

I decided that it would be silly.

"I love you and I should've been there. If I was there you wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't have hurt yourself," I heard my voice crack.

I felt like I was out of my body, observing from above. I've never had this sensation before. But I didn't realize I was doing anything until it happened.

I was numb.

"Come on, Harry, let's go home," Liam said from the doorway.

I ignored him.

"You can get something to eat and take a shower and have a kip and you can come back later today," he reasoned.

I continued to ignore him.

"Are you coming?"

"No," I said simply.

"Suit yourself," he muttered.

~One Week Later~

I haven't left the hospital all week. Beth's still in a coma.

The only time when I sleep is when my eyes droop closed.

The only time I eat is when Louis and Liam force me to.

The only time I shower is... Well, never.

I did brush my teeth yesterday, however.

~Four Days Later~

There haven't been any changes except for them having to intobate her, which means put a tube down her throat to breath for her. They said her condition is much worse than it would've been because she was starving herself.

~Two Days Later~

It's been exactly two weeks.

I think I'm going insane.

She's still unresponsive.

The only thing that's happened besides her having the tube put down her throat is her having the occasional seizure, which scared the shit out of me.

~Four Days Later~

SHE'S AWAKE.

The nurse just took the tube out of her throat.

After a coughing fit, two glasses of water, and a quick blood pressure check, she was ready to talk.

The nurse left us alone and went to tell everyone she was awake.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice scratchy.

"You... Uhm... Tried to end it..." was all I managed to get out.

"Oh" she nodded.

"How do you feel?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Bad," she shook her head and scrunched up her face.

"Bad? What hurts?" I reached for the call button but she pushed my hand away.

"My belly.. And my head. But I'm fine." she shook her head again.

"Are you sure?" I was concerned, for obvious reasons, but I knew I was pestering her.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. But, Harry, what really happened? Besides me killing myself?" Beth was pale, with dark circles under her eyes, and she was skinnier than normal. I shudders at the thought that there were slim chances that she'd be alive right now.

"I was out at a friends house, and I was asleep when you called me at four, then I woke up at seven, listened to the message, and used bet to your house to find you," I gulped. "unconscious. I called the ambulance, and then you were rushed here-" she cut me off.

"You called the ambulance?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," I was dumbfounded. Why was that so hard to believe.

"I should be dead right now," she held her head in her hands and sobbed.

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay. You're here now," I whispered to her as I pet her hair.

"Don't you get it?" she looked up, her dry cheeks now tear streaked and moist.

"Get what?" I pulled away and tried to process what she was saying.

"I WANT to be dead"