There's No Point Pretending (H.G. X Reader)

To Whom it May Concern

It was a slow morning, I was tired, I didn't want to do anything. But I got out of bed anyway, getting ready for the day and putting a smile on my face as I left the room. Walking into the dorm I noticed a bunch of people gathered around, probably spreading the latest rumor. I decided to ignore them, that is, until I saw Professor McGonagall in the throng of students. Curious, I walked a bit closer to hear what they were talking about.

"...but as of right now no more information is available." I just missed what McGonagall said, but it didn't seem to matter much as she saw me.

"Hermione, perfect timing, I need to speak with you in the Headmaster's office immediately." I had no clue what could be going on, and I was extremely confused right now, but I followed behind the professor without a word. Sending a backwards glance over my shoulder I caught Harry's eyes, he looked almost scared, and most definitely sad, depressed even.

What is going on?

~~~Time skip and trigger warning, mentions of suicide and depression~~~

"Dear Hermione,

"I'm so, so sorry.

"Hermione, there is something I need you to understand about me. This, where we are right now, is all my fault. I did this to myself, and I did this to you. We are in this situation because of choices that I made, mistakes that I made, things that I did. None of this, not a single part of it, is your fault. You hear me? None of it.

"Had I known how deeply in love you are with me before it was to late maybe this could have been different. I know that you love me, and I love you more than anything. But we can't keep doing this, I can't keep doing this, and I can't keep putting you through this. That's why we're here, because I decided to be selfish. You didn't cause this in the slightest. If anything, you made it better for a time, but I'm stupid, and I'm selfish, and I never deserved you.

"I love you Hermione, and I'm so, so sorry. If I go where I think I'll go, I hope to never see you there. As much as I love you and want to be with you, don't follow me where I'm going. Please don't follow me there. I want you to stay here and be happy, not go with me, because you won't be happy there.

"I love you Hermione, and I only ask one thing of you, stay alive. Stay alive for me. Live on, and I realize you may never forget me, but try to move on to better things.

"Just remember, I love you. I always loved you. I'll always love you. Always."

And just like that, it was over. The note finished, Y/N's last words to me. I tried to recall the signs, figure out what I missed, why I didn't know.

But I couldn't. I didn't even know that the person I loved was drowning right in front of me. Tears dripped onto the carefully printed words and I quickly wiped my face. I vaguely recall Dumbledore offering me a tissue before I scurried out of the office.

I needed to be somewhere, anywhere else.

AN:
I am aware that this isn't my best work but I did this all in one go so try not to be to mad at me.

This one shot is very personal to me and it's taken a while for me to finally decide to post it. Long story short I based it after a letter I once wrote for my girlfriend (before we were girlfriends) because I wanted her to know that even though I'm gone it wasn't her fault I was gone. Our story is kinda complicated maybe I'll explain that story later but in its most basic form we both loved each other before we started dating, and we both knew that we loved each other.

Anyway, the letter in the story is only slightly altered from the original, which is why it's so personal. I decided to write this mostly because writing is one way I cope with things (also music but that's not what this is about).

When I write stories and one shots like this I do it mostly to raise awareness. Because it's hard to notice the signs of depression, especially when people hide it. Anyone can be depressed and anyone could take their own life tomorrow and you'd never even know why. It's a hard thing to understand, I don't even understand it. Sometimes people are just hit with the overwhelming urge to not be on this Earth anymore. They want to go somewhere, anywhere else, cause it's got to be better than here, right?

Anyway sorry for making this AN longer than they usually are. More one shots on the way (don't worry they're happier than this one)

See ya around

P.S. School's a bitch and I have a lot of work to do, it may be a while before I post again but if I get some free time I'll definitely write more.