Stay Down

11

"please empty all pockets and bags." the officer pushed the line along as people walked through the medal detectors.

it was a busy visiting day.

some inmates sat at the benches with they family laughing and havin' physical interactions. but that was for ones with less dangerous crimes.

the ones that weren't in the maximum security unit.

my pops wasn't one of 'em.

i sat in the plastic chair, waiting for them to bring 'em out.

looking around, women was crying and holding on to the phones, a little boy had his hands on the glass with tears streaming down his cheek.

i turned away remembering the feeling when i was a teenager, they arrested my pops on some bullshit murder charge, they say he committed.

he had a lot of respect in the street and the crackas' hated that.

i can't even remember how much money i spent on lawyers and books and calls tryna get 'em out , it's like the more i tried the worst it got.

i was only sixteen when he got locked up. me and ma use to come everyday we could to see 'em. i remember how happy they would be and she'd just sit there and smile at him and he'd do the same.

sometimes id wish shit would've been different but then all id see is two caskets instead of one.

maybe this was Gods way of saving my dad and giving him time to get it right.

mama use to have bible study all the time in our small apartment and he'd always opt out.

but if this was Gods way of giving my pops another chance, i was grateful.

two cops held both his tattooed arms that were linked together by medal chains. he smirked at me through the glass as they undid the cuffs, he sat down, picking up the phone.

i picked up the cold steel from the hook, placing it to my ear.

"I swea you grow taller every time i see you."

"and you get hairier ,man." i told 'em glancing down at his beard that spread across his face. "you can braid that shit- sorry. i ain't mean to cuss."

he chuckled, "since when was tha eva a problem fa ya. gotta mouth like ya daddy." he joked, scooting closer to the glass.

"im tryna change pops." the words sounded foreign coming off my tongue. "mama wouldn't want me out ha like this."

he nodded, agreeing.

"ion even know 'bout most of this stuff no moe."

"you always been a smart kid, blessing. yo mama knew that and i know that." he looked around at the guards before speaking again. "you don't want to end up like me-"

"pops the lawyers said-"

"im done tryna fight my case blessing. i know what i did." he mumbled the last part. "you reap what you sow, son."

this time i stared into his eyes.

he neva wanted to talk about it. he'd told me he ain't do it a million times and i started believing 'em even though i knew better.

"i wanna leave this shit alone man and i met this girl pop." i smiled as he leaned back in his chair amused.

"the hoe met a girl."

"pop." i laughed, "it's different with ha. i mean she's teaching me so much about myself and God and life." it was so much that shes shown me in so little time, it still amazed me, "she got me questioning everything i thought i wanted."

"sounds like some girl."

"nah pop." I corrected, "she's a women." and she shown me that i neva had one.

"when can i meet this women that got my son actin' like cupid shot 'em in the ass."

shrugging my shoulders, "ion know I don't want to rush nothin'."

we stayed silent for awhile like he was thinking of a way to word what he wanted to say. "ya stoppin' ain't ya?"

biting my lip, "ion know, so many people depend on me but if i keep going.." i trailed off.

"ya gon end up dead or like me." leaning up to the metal table he placed his elbows down. "ain't nothin' but trouble out thea fo ya man. im in here for a triple homicide, blessing.

"a double life sentence and no chance of parole for doing something stupid, for riding for niggas who i thought was down fa me."

sitting back in his chair he sat their reminiscing about the day he did it, wishing he could take it all back. "do you see any family come visit me son ?"

i shook my head .

"any of them niggas i broke off?"

"nah pops."

"man" he let out a dry laugh, "being in hea is like being dead. they think about ya for awhile, come visit ya maybe twice before they forget 'bout ya and people move on and you can't get mad at people for havin' a life cause you fucked yours up. you don't know how blessed you are man. you got a chance to do sum good and you sittin' hea tellin' me you worried about niggas who ain't down."

"if this glass wasn't hea you know id slap the fuck outcha." putting my head down, i listened to his words, "son, look at me." rising my head, i stared at 'em.

"some kids neva get the chance to get out the hood. some of us just don't know how to deal with life beyond this shit we live in. so do the right thing man." placing his hand on the glass, me doing the same."some of us are still tryna figure it out."

and i knew he was talking about himself.

"vistong hours over." the cop boomed, raising my dad from his chair.

"you neva told me ha name." he smiled.

i stood up too, "kappee." i told 'em proudly. "kapree daniels."

something flickered in eyes before his smile dropped.

it was to fast to even read it before he smiled again.

"tell her i said thank you son." the cops held onto his arms, ready to take 'em away.

i stared at him confused, "fa what pops?"

"fa saving my son."