Stay Down

5

"let's go up and down the court, up and down the court." coach clapped running beside me.

i pushed harder increasing the speed with ever move i made 'round the cones. making sharp lefts and rights. finally reaching the ball rack, i shot the ball at the three and it went in.

there was no practice today but coach was always here and there was always need for improvement.

"alright b." he chuckled throwing me a towel. "that's enough for today."

i sat on the bench, wiping the sweat from my face.

"i got scouts from cleveland and the seventy-sixers coming to the next game. you keep it up you'll be sighing a big contract." he sat down next to me. "breaking me off a bit."

i shook my head, laughing. "hows ya wife been since..." i trailed off not wanting to say some dumb shit.

he let out a deep breath, "she's okay, just taking it one day at a time." he shook his head, staring around at the court. "it's been three months ya know."

i nodded.

"when you lose someone you love it's like even time can't heal it."

i knew the feeling.

"but um." he cleared his throat, "we went and put flowers on her grave and we just stayed there for hours talking to her." he smiled to himself. "it's like i can't touch her but I feel her and know she's there."

"how'd she die?" when I first got here a few months ago, the first day of practice was canceled because they said the coach had a family emergency.

word got round that his daughter was killed. i don't know how this nigga do it but he had to be a strong man to be able to come back to work even when the school was allowing him months off.

i don't think women even realize how much we suffer in silence.

but i guess that's the thing about being a man.

he stared off into space as if reliving the day all over again. "she was walking home from bible study and some boys on the street was arguing 'bout some money shit, probably something to do with drugs." he added, sitting back. "they started firing and stray bullets hit her three times in the head."

my face scrunched up in confusion. "coach ain't no way stray bullets just perfectly-"

stopping myself, i looked at his face as he looked at me, knowingly.

"the police couldn't find the guys and since she had no ties to that lifestyle they said she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

i could tell he didn't believe it and neither did i but i wasn't no investigator and it wasn't my business.

"shit man" i couldn't imagine coming back to work after all that. "why you ain't take off ?"

after the funeral he was right back like nothing happed.

rubbing his hands together, he let his head hang down. "funeral expensive ain't cheap on top of that bills and my wife falling in and out of depression, not being able to work." he shook his head, "i gotta be a man, gotta stay strong for the both of us, ya know? make sure we can make it."

i glanced at the black book bag across from me.

"but you wanna know something ?" his mouth breaking out into a smile.

"what ?"

"i know she's okay." he looked up at the ceiling, pointing to the sky. "cause she was right with the lord."

nodding, we stayed silent.

i got up handing him the book bag.

he looked at me, confused.

"God works in mysterious ways coach." i patted his back, walking towards the gym doors to leave.

from the corner of my eye, i seen him open the bag and quickly close it.

"blessing." he called out and i turned around against the door. "i can't take this-"

"do you believe in miracles, sir?"

"of course." he said still holding onto the bag.

"good." i told him, leaving. "you just received one."

walking across the grass to my dorm hall, i seen my door was cracked. i ain't have a roommate or nothing , i wasn't with sharing my space.

i opened the door wide to see kassidy laying on my bed.

i closed the door.

"you didn't call-"

"i ain't in the mood." the story coach told me had me reminiscing. i just wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

"i was just stopping by to tell you honor was looking for you, he thought you were with me."

"looking for me for what?" i asked ha , changing into a clean shirt.

she held ha hand up, rolling her eyes. "how would i know? all he said was that it was important and that he needed to see you."

"why the nigga ain't call me?" i asked more to myself.

we walked out and i took the stairs as she walked out the door. i stopped reaching the stairs to the roof, climbing up them.

honor stood with carter and noah. i dapped noah.

"sup nigga."

he cocked his head to the side with a slight grin. "ya know man fuckin' these bitches, spendin' these benjies. same ole' shit."

"wassup?" i asked honor looking at carter.

"we gotta talk-"

i held up my hand, my finger twitching for the gun in my pants.

taking a deep breath, i turned my back to them pulling out a blunt i rolled earlier from my pocket and lighting it.

i looked down at the campus and there she sat with her friends, on the picnic table, laughing as she looked up at me, no one else seemed to notice.

"it's about ya mother, man."