Stay Down

10

i sat on the track bleachers reading and writing, highlight and thinking.

kapree told me it was good to have alone time with just me and God and my thoughts. she said it was called reflection.

and i hated it, the thinking part.

i found myself remembering things i'd tried to forget and forgetting things i was longing to remember.

the winter breeze brushed against my face, sending a shiver down my back, as i sat crouched over in my journal.

i need answers, i need to know
why you took my mother
why she couldn't see me graduate
why she wasn't around for my first day of
college, why my mama?
all she did was praise ya and
try and teach me about you
why not me? i sinned the most.
but i guess i'll never get the answer cause
kapree said not to question you
because all that you've done , you have a reason, just tell ha, i love ha and im doing this school shi-

i erased.

stuff like she wanted me to.
ima make y'all proud of me.

in between pages pink sticky notes sat with quotes. id get them everyday some of them left on my door or in my duffel bag .

honestly they helped me get through the day it made me feel like i wasn't as alone as i once thought.

"blessing?" i adverted my eyes from the words id wrote. "hey." she smiled. i almost didn't recognize ha, she looked different.

her hair was cut short in curls that framed her face perfectly , she'd gained a little bit more weight and she was glowing, she looked so happy.

"hey kassidy." i got down from the bleachers, giving her a hug. "you look-"

"i know." she tugged at the bottom of her school sweater, "boston said it looked okay but-"

"it's pretty."

she smiled up at me, "thanks."

"you on the team now ?" i asked referring to her track shorts. "i thought sweating wasn't cute." she laughed as she remembered what she'd told me.

she squinted her eyes staring up at me, "it's not all that bad actually, coach thinks i could make it to the pros by senior year."

"well if you that good, ya know i gotta come support." i shrugged sticking my hands in my grey sweatpants, "be there for when them girls run you off the track." i joked.

"haha very funny."

" myers !" ha coach yelled, "back on the track."

she rose her shoulders at me, stepping backwards. "gotta go." she pointed towards the group of girls that was jogging.

"thank you kassidy." she turned to me raising a eyebrow.

"for what?"

"for not letting me break you ."

she nodded before catching up to run with her team.

my phone started to rang catching my attention.

"hello."

"this is a collect call from haylands correctional, would you like to accept the charges."

"yea."

the phone was silent for awhile before his voice came through.

"wassup son."

grabbing my books, i walked aimlessly around campus. "wassup pops. ive been tryna come see ya man."

he sighed on the other end of the phone, "they had us on lock down man, how ya been?"

"you know me just doing what i gotta do." I kicked around some rocks underneath my feet.

"boy-"

"I know pops, im careful."

he knew arguing with me was like yellin' at a brick wall especially cause he taught me everything i know. "i got sum i wanna tell you too pop." a small smile graced my face as i thought about kapree .

"you ain't making me no granda or nothing?"

i laughed, "nah pop, ain't no babies."

you have five seconds left.

"i'll holla at ya tomorrow, pops."

"alright son."

and the phone went dead.

a hard slap went against my back. "nigga what i be telling you 'bout sneaking up on me."

king grinned, walking beside me.

"man fuck all that, i got some shit to tell you." I stayed quiet letting him know to continue. "you know how we been tryna get that territory ova on the north side?"

"yea."

"the nigga wanna meet with you, set up a negotiation or some shit and guess who made that shit happen." i laughed, shaking my head at this nigga."me, ya motherfuckin' nigga."

we stopped in the lecture halls, "when he tryna do this?" the season was whining down and i needed to spend almost all my time on the court as much as possible.

"tuesday night ."

"i'll see 'bout it."

"you'll see 'bout it?" he scrunched up his face, sucking his teeth. "whateva man."