sam and colby were in sams room.
they missed each other over the past few days and now they didn't want to separate.
and colby really didn't want to leave sam alone.
both the boys sat in silence just thinking about each other.
sam and colby both, just wanted to be able to call there best friend more then just a best friend.
more like a lover.
but every time sam had these thoughts, the voices would take over.
faggot.
you can't have colby you're worthless
colby's a GUY
sam just wanted to yell at them to go away.
he couldn't stop the voices.
he couldn't tell colby about the voices.
he could control the voices.
it really sucked for sam.
colby watched sam stare off into space.
"god i want to kiss you." he thought to himself.
who would blame him.
sam had the purest soul.
colby remembered the days where sam was once happy.
actually happy.
he wouldn't stop smiling.
he was always in a good mood.
but then things started to change.
he started acting different.
then he broke things off with katrina because he could stop his thoughts, whatever that means.
and he stopped eating.
and drinking.
he became underweight.
colby still didn't understand the katrina thing. they're still great friends and when they hang out, it's the only time sam looks like he's having fun.
colby missed the old sam.
colby wanted the sam that he was in love with.
not that he's not in love with sam anymore it's just, his love grew less.
and it was because loving sam this much was starting to hurt him.
seeing sam sad, hurt him.
seeing sam become underweight, hurt him.
seeing sam slowly become someone he's not, hurt colby.
it hurt him badly.
"i just wanna get over you." colby mumbled meaning to say it in his head.
"did you say something?" sam asked looking colbys way.
"yeah. we need to film. we haven't in a couple days." colby made an excuse quickly.
"yeah. you're right." sam smiled causing butterflies in colbys stomach.
both the boys got up and got ready to film.
sam didn't want to but of course, he had too.
for the fans.
no.
for colby.
time skip
sam and colby just uploaded a video that they filmed the day before.
colby laid in his bed scrolling threw comments.
is sam okay?
sam got really skinny.
sam doesn't look good.
sam looks... broken.
the truth was, colby was broken too.
he just knew he could show it.
he couldn't let his friends how broken he was.
although colby didn't really know it or think about it, he was stronger then sam.
so much stronger.
colby sighed at the comments and put his phone down.
he turned to face his all to familiar way just to think.
colby always found him self think about sam.
the boy he was secretly in love with.
but what colby was unaware of was that sam laid in his room staring at his wall thinking of the boy he was secretly in love with.
and that boy was colby.
if one of the boys spoke up and admitted feeling everything would fall into line.
but neither knew that and both were scared to admit feelings.
colby groaned and got up walked to sams room.
it was the middle of the night and colby couldn't sleep.
he walked in sams room figuring he was already asleep.
"hey." sam said still staring at his wall just knowing it was colby.
"can't sleep?" colby asked shutting sams door behind him.
"no." sam said pathetically.
"me either."
"so do you wanna sleep in here?" sam asked turning towards colby.
sam knew it was a dumb question and regretted asking until colby smiled bright and said, "please."
sam moved over for colby who walked over and laid in the bed.
colby decided to take a risk and wrapped his hands around sams waist.
sam smiled and rested his head on colbys shoulder.
he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
i guess all he needed was comfort from his best friend to get the voices to be quiet so he could rest.
colby felt like sam was so fragile and his bones were made of glass.
his friend was so small and he was only getting smaller from not eating.
colby didn't know it but sam was slowly dying from treating himself like this.
everyone knew including sam.
it's just that colby couldn't except the fact. so he ignored it.
published 9/8/19
