The Tables Have Turned

Chapter 36: Deserve

Please someone. Someone make her calm.

"Even..after he left for summer. I still.. I'm still not used for him to be away" she sniffed.

I thought she was getting used to me being away from her.

Kiyan kept his hand on her back. He didn't say a word. He wants to listen. I want to listen.

"He's really clingy at times." she scoffed "Who am I kidding? He's really clingy." she smiled.

I smiled. It's true.

"So when he told me he's leaving for summer, I-I didn't know what to do." she frowned as the memory surfaced.

"We call every night. I know it was kind of selfish of me but I honestly didn't want him to go. I was looking forward for that summer. I was looking forward for the things we could do. But I also know how he love his grandparents and also I couldn't do so much about him leaving so, yeah. Night calls" she laughed but it died too quickly for my likings.

"I needed him to stay. I want him to stay. I was hoping that the calls will last until he'll come back, just to hear his voice was enough but.." she stopped and I noticed that her grip of arms around her knees tightened."One day. It stopped. I tried to reach out. I've waited for his calls. Until.. Until the day of my papa's death anniversary. I was hoping SO BAD for him to call. For him to calm me down. For me to hear his voice. But none. After three days he called. He said that his phone broke so he had to buy another one. He apologized." she stopped again and the tears steams faster.

I've worked two jobs just to buy a phone.

"I know he was with his grandparents. But I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe... Maybe he's tired of me."

No

"That he wants to break free from me. I know I was holding him back in so many things. But he stayed with me. So I thought, we would be together til the end but that summer. That summer, those times we're not together. Thoughts came rushing on me. I felt like the old me was coming back but I don't want to. Especially when the people around me worked so hard for my improvement. Especially him. Every step, he was there like how papa was with me. I just thought... I thought he would leave me too.."

No! No Eliah!

"That's not true!"

I stopped. I didn't notice the tears racing down on my face.

I looked at Kiyan who, for the time looked so determine and serious.

Eliah turned her gaze to him. His faced relaxed and his smile showed. He looked at the distance as he let loose of his hand on her back.

"Knowing Lester, that's one thing he would never dare to do." I looked at him. "Especially to you." he turned his eyes to Eliah. He said that so sincerely that every hate started to fall out. "If only you could see how he lift up everytime he's with you. You can tell."

He laid his hand on her shoulder. "If there's one thing I could be so sure. Is that Lester will never leave you no matter what. Maybe that summer he was not with you but I'm pretty sure he's wishing to be beside you. The guy cares for you so much for him to do such things."

I never expected to hear this. Especially from a guy who I just met months ago.

"Trust him, Eliah." He looked at her and that's when I noticed in his eyes. " He's maybe the only one who'll remain and stay"

He said it and in his eyes shows. Its like he's...

He's saying sorry.

"You know Kiyan, I've been noticing."

"What?"

"Are you..?"

I noticed how Kiyan gulped. Then Eliah's emotions was something I see everytime she needs answer.

"Are you leaving?"

Then Kiyan furrowed his eyebrows. "Eventually, I guess. I need to go back to Japan somehow.". He shrugged but that didn't cover the way his smile slipped off his face. His eyes turned dark.

He is leaving.

"Can you tell me when?". With that her smile shone under the moonlight. Even after every tears, she still doesn't want to end a day frowning. Even with her poker face.

She didn't say it in a manner where it sounds like she was dreading for Kiyan to leave. It was like she wanted to do something for him before he leave.

I can tell she is grateful for him. She likes him. And that's rare. But true. And I think I'm warming up to him. I think.

"I will... " he smiled once again looking at her. Contemplating whether or not he would say the next words on his tongue.

"Emm"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The morning after that night.

I thought. Actually, I didn't have any sleep.

Saying all those things. I made her feel those things. She doesn't deserved to feel them. None of them.

It was a mistake.

I made a mistake.

I made judgements. I made her feel untrustworthy. A liar. Which she never was and never will be.

By keeping her oblivious about the things that happened to me. I'm actually isolating myself, making a barrier where Eliah shouldn't exist. She would only feel horrible. I will only hurt her.

But is it really the right thing? Is there any other way?

Even though I'm doing this for her own sake she.. She's hurting.

What's the f*cking purpose of doing all of this!

I- I don't know anymore.

I curled up in my bed. Thinking of her smile. Her warm eyes. Her unmoved face. Her hugs. Her laugh. And thinking if I truly deserved them.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A/N: Hello sa mga loyal readers. Kahit napakanoob netong pagsulat ko pero binabasa niyo pa rin. Thank you! And I'm so sorry guys, natagalan talaga. Nong hindi na ako nakapag-update nagstart na yung school works. Tinadtad talaga. Pero okay lang yun kasi part yun sa pag-achieve ng goals. Pero sorry talaga. You deserve better so I'll try my best na makapag-update atleast 2 times a week. Thank you po talaga! Bless you!