The Tables Have Turned

Chapter 37: Horrible But Good

Where is he?

He would never skip mass. What happened?

A tap from someone from my back pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked back and saw Ferris. Well actually both of the twin looked at me with questioning eyes.

And I know what they are asking. The unoccupied seat next to them.

After the mass we both went to the secluded area that is found on the right side of the church. We entered the familiar vined full gates that I remembered passing by.

"Damn, this got old fast." Ferris murmured as they pushed the gates opened. I guess they usually play here.

Once we entered, we went passed through the vines that was hanging by the entrance. The moment I was met once again, with the bright light of the sun, a play ground was shown before my eyes. They were obviously unused for years. Vines crawling up to them, rustful bolts and parts. There was seesaw in the far side of the the area. Then a monkey bar next to it.

I heard Fraser sighed in awe. "Its been years huh?"

"Damn right." Ferris said as they then walked to a set of swings near a tree on the other end of the play ground. I followed and as I take up the steps an overpowering feeling came up to making me take each step cautiously.

Nostalgia.

Have I been here before?

The question lingered in my head. As I take up the view. I can imagine kids running around here. I mean, its a playground right? But why do I feel like I've ran the same route.

"This got old slow" Ferris then let out a laugh.

"Its the only thing that we used. Beside all of those rides. The four of us always ends up here."

Wait the four of us?

I felt the twin's gaze towards me as they proceed to test if the swing can handle us.

"They're good." Fraser informed me. Three swings are in front of me and the twins took each end. Which left me taking the middle. I held the chains the sit was hanging and the feel of it bore to my hands. I took my sit, the twins noticed my cautiousness. The twins started pushing themselves to swing.

What's this? I can't swing.

"Lester always pushed you" Ferris said as if reading my mind.

What?

"He would always push you to swing" Fraser then said. "He insist everytime that you took the sit. He would not take a sit. Well only if me and Ferris would race to the top of this tree. See that branch." he pointed at a branch that curved right on top of the swing. "Me and my brother will always sit there and watch as you two hold hands while swinging. You laughed and laughed while taking each others hand and taking up dares. It's a sight that both me and Ferris considered that it was one of a kind"

What?

"This is where we first met."

What?

"When Lester failed to come here due to his parents. You.." I heard both of their swing stopped. I can feel them looking at me. I can feel them. "...Would not swing." both of them said at the same time.

My chest hurts. It hurts so much I cluched my chest and didn't noticed, tears streamed down my face.

"You would always say I can't swing without him, so I'll wait until he'll come and by then we can swing again."

I said that?

"We know" Fraser announced.

"We knew you forgot"

I then raised my head and looked both of them. They looked conflicted.

"You see, your.. " Ferris paused. He breathe deep and spoke once again. And in that moment its like my head hot a whole block of ice hovering it. "Your father, Uncle Ian.. "

Its like... Its been forever since I heard his name..

No..

No this can't be.

"Has a charity for that orphanage." he pointed at something across from where we are.

It took everything for me to raise my head. And its like.. Something inside me doesn't want me to.

An old orphanage stood across from the gate bounded play ground. My chest can't stop.

And there he is.

Tears started flowing. Much every drop's heavier than the first. And it kept going like that.

I can see him.

"Papa.." My lips quivered and I failed to stop the crack in my voice.

It hurts. It hurts so much.

"You forgot everything that is associated to your dad."

"For you to cope. You did all of that."

I know.

"I know"

The twins stopped and bore their gazes towards my dulled out face.

I know, I know that I did it to cope. I know. I thought it would ease the pain. I thought that if I did, that if I did forget papa, I would be happy. Then I could heave up my mama and Shizuku. Then Lester. I couldn't bare it. Seeing them smiling, but you can feel the grieve in them. Its stabbing through. Its agonizing. Its worst than seeing it transparently.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ferris. I'm sorry Fraser." It took all my courage to look at them at mentioning each of their name.

The twins eyes watered, and I thought for a second Ferris scrunched up his face in pain.

I remembered that day, that I decided to clear up my head and immediately forgot papa and went on my days as if he's only at work. I think I ignored Ferris and Fraser. I didn't visit the orphanage and I remembered promising to visit sister Inori but even after that unintended day I still didn't. And I was forever grateful and guilt permanently resided at my soul when Sister greeted me with the most warming smile I've ever seen for the first time since papa left. It almost made want to cry all over again knowing someone will definitely hear me and stay at my side. I want to stay in the church, I want to make it my sanctuary.

"Eliah, " Ferris quiverring voice called. He wiped a tear and sniffed. Its almost unthinkable for this guy to cry and even talk when he's vulnerable. Heck nobody would ever think he's can be vulnerable. He's like a rock.

I appreciate it. It obviously hard for them to be like this. I can tell they have been holding this up. I know I am accountable for that. I intimidate them. I made them think what we had, its almost like I made the past a lie.

I never intended for things to happen like this.

"We miss you" Ferris finished.

I just let my eyes, no, my heart. I just let my heart be broken and cry.

This is the first time, in five years that I let all the pain be felt.

And it was good. Horrible but good.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A/N: I am TERRIBLE. I'm sorry I made you hope. I got caught up with my laziness. I'm sorry, you greatly deserve more.

But still thank you, THANK YOU, for sticking up. Not only am I a noob to this, I literally made you hope, so thank you and I sincerely apologize.

I hope you manage to enjoy this chapter! We're getting close... Almost there peeps. Hold on to your horses!

For all the readers! God bless you all!!! And I hope you had a merry christmas and may your new year be eventful! Take care! And keep your masks on!

See you in the next chap!