Even Now

Even Now - Chapter 11 "Choices"

Chapter 11 —Rukia—

"Choices"

He had been sitting there for three hours now and he still hadn't said anything to me. Maybe he did not even know that I was actually sitting there right next to him. His amber eyes never left her sleeping face. Maybe he knew I was there but he just didn't care. All that he cared for now was the unconscious girl in front of him.

He was scowling like usual; he did not try to hide the fact that he was worrying about the girl's condition. I knew she would be alright, I knew he also knew it. I knew that it might sound as if I hated her but sometimes I thought Orihime was getting too much attention from everyone. From him.

I did not like it.

I sighed. I could not believe I could feel this way to her, Orihime was my best friend, for God's sake. I should have been worry about her health. Orihime's body had been really weak since born and something bad could happen to her anytime. Ichigo was her boyfriend, it was normal for him to worry about her. I should not feel like this. I should not get jealous. I had no right to get jealous.

I saw it. His hand held her hand and he had not let it go for hours. I saw his thumb caress the back of her hand lovingly. I should have known without him telling me, between me and her, he had chosen her. I should have known and stopped wishing that he would someday choose me over her. It was crystal clear that he had chosen her.

I feared that I would cry if I stayed there for too long. The last thing I needed for now was Ichigo seeing me cry. I stood up silently and left the room without even bothering to tell Ichigo. It did not matter, he would not care. I slid the rice paper door opened and walked out of the room. I frowned when I saw Renji stood outside the room. He crossed his hands on his chest and leaned to the wall.

How long had he been standing there?

When he saw me he smirked.

"Wanna go take a walk?"

I was going back to the room I shared with Tatsuki and Orihime that night. After finished my bath I went to the fridge for some cold milk. It had been a habit of mine to drink milk after taking a bath. I used to do it because my brother would always be telling me that milk could make me grow taller. After later I found out that I could not get anymore taller but I still loved to drink milk after bath. Cold milk after the hot bath is the best.

Actually I was expecting Tatsuki and Orihime in the room. But I saw no one. I knew that Tatsuki left the onsen before me so she probably was taking a walk at the time. I was worried about Orihime though. She looked kind of surprised when she saw Ulquiorra earlier and she had not left the onsen when I left.

It had been an hour or so.

I decided to check on her. She should not stay too long in the hot bath. I walked in a hurried pace to the women onsen, hoping that Orihime was okay.

I sighed when I saw no one in the changing room. I saw Orihime's clothes so I knew she was still in the onsen. Somehow, I got a bad feeling about all of this.

"Orihime!" I called her name.

"Is she okay?"

I nodded.

Me and Renji sat on the bench in the Inn backyard. Actually it was awkward for me to sit side by side with him like this. Sure, we had been close friend for years now and we called each other names whole the time. We were almost always fighting every time. That was why, when he was acting nice to me like this, it became awkward.

"Don't worry." He said while gave me a friendly pat on my back, "She'll be fine. You found her before she drowned herself…" he tsk-d, "She shouldn't stay that long in the onsen."

I smiled bitterly, "It wasn't her fault." I glared at the red haired man beside me, "She was stressed you know! How could you bring that man along with you? I didn't know you were this stupid!"

Renji raised an eyebrow, "Who? Ulquiorra?" he laughed, "Oh c'mon… We know he would not harm her!"

I looked at him angrily.

"Okay… He hurt her once." He sighed, "But he had changed you know… He missed Orihime, and you know that Orihime had forgiven him since long time ago…"

I let out a heavy sigh. I tilted my head to see the clear summer sky. There were so many stars tonight in the sky but I was not that interested, I was just avoiding Renji's eyes.

"You know, Ulquiorra loves Hime."

That was not a question, Renji knew that.

"Hime has Ichigo." Said Renji, he sounded tired. When I looked at him, he was looking at the sky too. I diverted my gaze before he realized it, "She chose Ichigo. She would always choose Ichigo."

I did not say anything; I knew where this conversation would lead to.

"You know Ichigo would always choose Orihime too…"

I bit my lip and chewed it. I tried to act like I did not hear what he said. But Renji was not that stupid. He knew me. He had been my friend for years; sure he could read my expression. I knew he had known about my feeling for Ichigo.

"Rukia… You would just hurt yourself…"

I did not know whether he talked about me biting my lip or about my feelings for Ichigo. I did not say anything. I still tilted my head and pretended to watch the sky. I tried to put a straight face but it was not easy because I knew he was looking at me at the moment. I almost cried but I couldn't.

"He chose her because she needed him."

"Rukia…"

"He doesn't want her…"

He wants me. He told me so. A year ago…

"Rukia…"

"He just needs sometime… He cannot leave her now… Orihime…" I gulped, I didn't know what I was talking about, "Orihime just needs some time but she would understand… She would understand that she can't force something…"

"Rukia…"

"Stop looking at me like that!"

Renji did not say anything.

I pressed my palm to my face. Damn, it had been so long since the last time I was crying.

"You know that's not true…"

I did not say anything.

"Rukia… Look at me."

When I refused to looked at him, he grabbed my hands and forced me to look into his eyes. He looked at me with a serious look. I knew he cared about me. I knew that he might love me. I just pretended that I didn't know about it. Because I did not want to choose between him and Ichigo. Because it would have been Ichigo.

I sobbed.

"You know that's not true…" He said again.

I looked at him.

"Ichigo… Ichigo might want you… He might want someone like you… Someone strong, cheerful…" he touched my chin gently, "...beautiful."

I held my breath. He was too close I could not breathe.

"But you knew he would always choose Orihime… He might not realize it, but he needs her… Rukia, he never had to choose, you know it…" He said it, finally, something I feared most, "It had always been her."

I bit my lip again.

He used his thumb to stroke my lower lip gently.

"He loves her, Rukia…" he got closer, "Just as much as I love you…"

I closed my eyes automatically when his lips finally captured mine.

Maybe, it was not that hard to choose.

-chapter 11—Rukia— "Choices" : end-