Even Now

Even Now - Chapter 12 "Eyes"

Chapter 12 —Ichigo—

"Eyes"

She hadn't opened her eyes yet. I knew that she was okay and that she was just sleeping right now but I could not lie to myself. I worried about her so much. How if she would never open her eyes anymore? I knew I shouldn't think something scary like that but I couldn't help it. It had been hours and I desperately wanted to see her eyes.

It was not the first time I was thinking like this. She had been really weak since the first time I met her. A little stress could be really bad for her. There were moments back then in high school when I almost got a terrible heart attack when she fainted during the class or gym. I would never get used with my girlfriend fainted in front of me.

I sighed.

I squeezed her hand gently, I hadn't let go off it at all. I didn't understand why but by touching her small hand and feeling her skin on mine, I felt much better. It could assure me that she would not go leaving me. I just realized how deep is my feeling for her and I was not ready to lose her now. I would never be.

I scowled deeply as I watched her pretty face. She hadn't opened her eyes at all. I knew I might be overreacted but I wouldn't feel relieved until I could look into those grey orbs once more.

"I love your eyes."

We both were lying on the grass that covered by pink petals under the cherry blossom tree that day. That was our first hanami as a lover. She laid on her side next to me who face her with a deep scowl on my face. I was nervous, she was so close to me. I could feel her warm breath on my face that somehow smell like a freshmint of toothpaste. And when suddenly she told me that she loved my eyes I did not know how to react.

"Eh... why?"

She smiled. Ah, she was too beautiful...

"Because it reminds me of honey..." she licked her lips as she mention 'honey'.

"Ah," I lost my words.

She did this again to me, a simple statement from her could make me losing my ability to talk. I knew I should say something back. Something to make her happy. I knew she said that without hoping me to say it back, but I felt like I need to tell her. I needed to tell her that I feel the same way about her.

I love her eyes too.

"I love your eyes too."

She chuckle, "Hehe, Thank you, Ichigo-kun..."

I swallowed, "Because... Your eyes are..."

Beautiful.

But I could not say it, it was too cheesy.

So instead i said, "I love your eyes because... I love it."

And she laughed.

I smiled at the memory. I never told her. I never told anyone, in fact I just realized it few moment ago, I loved her eyes not only because they were beautiful and grey. I loved her eyes, because when they looked into mine I would know that she was mine. That she was alive.

I had almost been losing her for so many times.

I thought by stopping loving her, the pain would go away. That if I stopped loving her, it would not felt hurt if I had to lose her. Ever since she knew me, only bad things happened to her. If only I did not love her. If only I loved someone stronger...

Stupid.

I knew.

My theory about love was too stupid but I had been thinking so much since what had done by Aizen. If only I did not love her, Aizen would not use her as a bait to get me. If only she did not mean a thing for me, she would not get hurt.