The Whole "Being Dead" Thing

The Handbook for the Recently Deceased

"Wow..."

You glanced down with gleaming eyes unto the vintage Polaroid camera that was delicately placed inside the box on top of many other miscellaneous items. The old book you'd thrown inside was facing downwards as it leaned on the camera. A sense of regret filled you as you remembered how forceful you'd thrown the book inside not knowing whether or not that action had damaged the camera. Taking both items out you turned the camera around checking it for any problems. Opening the cartridge you noticed that there was still some film inside. "Okay nothing seems to be wrong but I should probably see if the film still works." You moved towards the large mirror in the corner of your room and prepared the camera.

A bright flash lit up the corner as you moved back ready to collect the Polaroid. Huh nothing's coming out guess the film pack must be too old. That's too bad. You moved back to the bed and began dumping the contents in the box out.

Other old Polaroid pictures displayed themselves on your bed. You recognized a lot of them as sections from the house but there was one in particular that stood out from the rest. This one was a picture of what looked like two floating bed sheets with holes cut out where eyes should be. The bottom of the picture had the words "No Feet!" It only took you a few seconds to connect the pieces before the answer came out of your mouth in a whisper, "Adam and Barbara."

But if this picture was taken by mom did she know about them? But why wouldn't she say anything? This doesn't make any sense.

Your mom wasn't exactly one to hide things from you. Unlike her dad she thought it was important to talk things out instead of leaving them be and moving forward with no resolution. You wholeheartedly stood by that but now your mind was running a mile a minute as you tried to wrap your head around it all. You put the picture aside, your movement causing the brown book to nudge your thigh which brought your attention back to it.

It was still the same as when you'd last seen it. The fading picture and words stared back at you almost reaching out for you to open it. Turning to the first page you began to read.

...

Or at least you tried.

What the fuck? Nothing in the book made sense it was as if someone just grabbed a handful of pages and threw them into a random pile. You continued to flip through the book reading certain lines and words that stood out but nothing really stuck together, although you admit it was still really interesting. Then in the corner of your eye you caught a flash of white.

A small piece of paper had slipped through the pages and landed beside you. It was no larger than a regular note card with writing in black on the other side.

"What's this?" you said, interest igniting inside you as you continued to examine the piece of paper.

Upon further examination you concluded that it was some sort of business card. A bio-exorcist? What the hell is a bio-exorcist? One thing that caused you to stop in your tracks was one word that was repeated three times.

Betelgeuse

"B-betel-goose? Betel-guase? Fuck how do I say this?" You squinted your eyes skeptically, as if that would help you crack some secret code to pronouncing this word.

"Fuck it. I'm checking Google." With a quick search you not only learned that Betelgeuse is apparently a star on Orion's belt but is also pronounced as Beetlejuice, so you were originally very far off.

"Hmm... Beetlejuice" you tested it out the word rolling easily off your tongue.

And then you felt an uneasy cold presence surround the room. The lights dimmed as you stood frozen in your spot.

"Hi"-

You swung your fist around quickly before it connected with something cold and solid. Fiery pain spread throughout your hand as you clutched it back to your chest tears threatening to fall.

The man in front of you had his head arched back as his hands covered his nose. At first glance he looked like some sort of possum or rat person. He was wearing a black and white striped suit which was already unusual and had bright green hair and what you think looked a little like moss growing around his hairline. A peculiar smell seemed to radiate off of him, it wasn't necessarily bad per se it actually smelled more like wet or humid dirt which is a smell you've grown used to from, literally, working a graveyard shift.

"Ugh... This is the thanks I get around here" The man seemed to move his hands to the side harshly as you heard a resounding "snap" before he wiggled his nose, now back into place, and gave himself a satisfied nod. Then he finally acknowledged your presence and turned to you, a bright grin on his face.

"Now before I was rudely cut off"-

"Who are you?" you demanded.

"Gee kid you ain't really giving me much to work with here."

"Why the fuck are you in my house?"

"Watch your fucking language, and if I recall you're the one who called me here." He pouted, crossing his arms as he gave all his attention to you.

"What? I didn't"- wait a minute.

"Wait a-are you Beetlejuice?" you said. The man in front of you seemed to burst into joy as he rushed forward while you rushed back away from him. Seeing this he surprisingly decided to keep his distance.

"YES! Now just say it two more times." He pleaded; you wouldn't be surprised if he started to beg on his knees. Of course you didn't trust him at all. Why would you do anything he asked for especially since he just so happened to appear in your room still technically uninvited?

But if this guy is a ghost maybe he'll help me out with things Adam and Barbara won't. He does look pretty desperate. Course I'll have to see just how much I can trust him before anything else. Maybe he can actually help me find dad.

"Okay Be- Beej, how about we make a deal." You smirked.

(Happy Spooky Season! I'm trying to see if I can get the next chapter out later this week so I hope you enjoyed this one! Btw, what are you dressing up for Halloween? I decided to be Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors, currently making my own Audrey II and everything. I dunno I'm just curious. Have a great day/night/week. Byeeeee~)