hi im really sad :)

9/12/19

I was laying in my bed just now and decided,"Hey, lets bitch some more and feel sorry for myself."

So yeah.

Basically im gonna bitch about my mom and how terrible she is like every teenager.

My mom is strange. Not the funny one, but actually strange. Hell she offered me wine once despite being WAY underage.

I never really feel safe with her. I know she's most likely depressed as well and wont say it a loud but really down hate me. She'll never say it to my face but I can just tell. I know that sounds so stupid.

I'd say when I'm with my mom it feels like im walking on nails constantly.

I'm scared when im with her. Like she'll hit or yell at me.

She usually yells at me. Yells and complains to me about anything. She'll yell at me excuse.

She's only hit me twice but still I'm terrified she'll do it again. She knows I wont tell my father or teachers out of fear and not wanting them to worry about me.

Why am I wrighting this then? I don't know.

I dont want to have the thought of people worrying about me but if I'd have to choose it'd have to be my friends.

I know that's probably unfair to them, but I'd feel uncomfortable with my dad knowing.

He's truly the kindest person I know. Sweet and doesn't deserve the stress of worrying about my mentle health and my parental abuse.

A kind of thing that I think isn't touched upon enough is when the mother in abusive and the father is the angel parent.

Women usually seem to be abusove differently. They tend to usually be verbal because they know the hurt of lots of words considering the past and present what many women go threw.

But because of that they usually have become the victim gender and are seem as the weaker one because they usually seem to be the victims.

But because of this some women abuse it using it against men.

I guess I'd consider my mother abusive. More scary though. She has an uncontrollable temper and knows what'll sting most.

She's verbally abusive and uses fear as her weapon to make people respect her. I wouldn't really call it respect though, just fear.

Shes good at playing that victim to. Theres almost no point in fighting back because of it.

Most people are surprised when I saw that I love my dad a shit ton more then my mother. They usually shame md because she's the person who brithed me.

I don't really care about it anymore though. My mother is the monster in my house. Most I guess find there mothers as the compferting parent. I don't know why.

I love my mother because shes my mother but if I had to chose over the parent that I only love out of fear or the one I truly love then well I'd have to chose the one I truly do love.