For Hating Me You Sure Are Possessive

59: Why You're Here

I laughed, shoving my book into my locker. “Sounds like your weekend is going to be as boring as mine.”


Jim shrugged, leaning against the locker beside mine. “I don’t mind. With finals coming I have more studying than I can handle.” He groaned then, eyes closing as though remembering something. “Last year my mom tried to help me. No way am I going through that again.”


“Sounds like me and Maver last year,” I couldn’t help but grin as I dug through my locker. I really needed to take a minute or two to organize it. With no ride threatening to leave if I didn’t make it out before the first bell was even finished ringing I had time to. Ever since Maver stopped coming to school I didn’t have that excuse.


“Maver wanted to help you?”


I looked over at his amused expression. “More like he wanted me to stop studying so he had someone to game with.”  I chuckled, finally finding my science notebook at the bottom of the pile. “Could you hold these a second?”


He accepted the books I handed him willingly. As I cleared a path to my notebook I could hear him saying bye’s to a few people that passed. None of them were remotely directed to me, but I didn’t mind. Jim had followed through on being friendly with me and it had ended up surprisingly well. We’d formed a sort of friendship. One that involved him giving me rides home from school, which was even more of a bonus for me.


“Have you talked to him?” Jim asked, setting the books back in my locker as I shoved my notebook into my already well past filled backpack.


Without asking who, I knew who he was talking about. “No,” I sighed, pushing my hair back over my shoulder as I closed my locker. “He didn’t answer my call and I didn’t try again.”


“That big of a fight?” he asked. He knew that Maver and I weren’t talking at the moment, but I didn’t know if he knew the reason why. I assumed he didn’t. Maver had been his original source of imnformation about our disagreement and he wasn’t the type to go into too much detail.


If I knew Maver at all, and I did,  he’d probably just made it sound like I’d murdered someone.


“I guess so,” I muttered in reply. I wasn’t sure how long he was going to stay mad at me. I wasn’t really sure of anything.


Logan hadn’t tried to contact me at all since I’d left him in his livingroom. To be honest I hadn’t made a move to talk to him either. For all my thinking I’d gotten nowhere. I didn’t even know where to begin thinking once I had the opportunity to. It was just a jumbled mess of questions without answers.


What was I supposed to do about Logan? That kiss had cleared up my feelings if nothing else. I knew that I had feelings for him. What they were and when they’d formed I had no idea. But they were definitely there. Just being away from him for the past week I’d missed all of his crazy shenanigans.


The fact that I didn’t know what his idea of ‘easy’ was bothered me. I could have asked. I should have asked. It would have saved me all of my hours of wondering. But I couldn’t do it, not then and most positively not now. If he suggested something along the lines of ‘friends with benifits’ I don’t know what I’d do.


The benifits of having a regular guy friend were in full kick as I walked down the hall with Jim. He was rambling on about the new Black Ops coming out, the topic of Maver forgotten. If he’d been a girl he wouldn’t have let it drop. Instead he was pushing on as though it’d never been brought up.


Just as I was responding to whether or not I liked having to earn the zombie level in the past, I was interrupted by a big slab of muscle and meat blocking my way. It didn’t move, and I gave in to meeting the eyes that gazed at me so intently. “Kara.”


“James,” I grumbled his name in reply, shooting a look over to Jim for help. Unfortunately like the male friend he was he didn’t pick up on the SOS I was trying to send with my eyes.


“Are you taking her to the movies with us?” James asked, turning his gaze to Jim.


All three of us knew  that he wasn’t planing on it and hadn’t even mentioned it for that very reason. “No, I’m dropping her off at home first.”


Though I was his friend, I still wasn’t a part of his usual group. A group that included my jockhead ex boyfriend. If James had thought it was anything but friendship he wouldn’t have ignored it like he had been for the past months. Now, apparently, he had changed his mind and decided to interfere. Though I didn’t know his motives I knew if he started to put me down in front of Jim I’d walk away. Jim didn’t need to feel like he had to choose, nor did I care to find out the consequences if he stuck up for me. James was an underhanded SOB.


As though reading my mind Jame’s eyes sparkled dangerously as he turned his smirk to me. “Do you want to go?”


“No thanks,” I shot him down quickly. Whatever his intentions were I knew I wanted no part of them.


He smiled then, looking like the James I used to know. But I wasn’t fooled. The glitter in his eye told me he was the same guy he’d been gowing towards ever since the day I met him. “Oh come on Kara, it’ll be fun.”


“And upset Christy?” I asked, the words coming out on their own. “I’m not interested.” I scoffed, pushing past him.


Though Jim trailed after us, at a loss for what to say more than likely, it was James who fell into step at my side. “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t like to knock her down a notch.”


I threw him an angry glare. “Did that line work on her?”


For a second he shot me a surprised look. We both had grown up in the time we’d been apart. I’d decided sticking up for myself was worth it. For him it was becoming even more of a dick. “Actually we broke up.”


It was Jim’s chance to speak up, coming up on my other side as we passed through the doors that lead to the courtyard. Part of me wondered if it was in an attempt to shield me from the prying eyes that seemed to be following us. “What happened?”


“Maver told on me,” he responded, his eyes on me as he said it. The condescending tone to his voice made me grimace. He’d never liked Maver. It was rare the two talked so I knew right away what he was talking about.


I tried to cover my self-satisfied smirk and failed. “So she broke up with you then?”


“No,” James smirk rivaled my own, “she got all clingy so I had to cut her loose.”


My mouth opened and I breathed out, “cut her loose?” in disbelief. Once upon a time James had been such a sweet guy. I wasn’t sure where he went wrong.


Maybe it was dating me that did it to him.


I had let him walk all over me in exchange for him being able to be real with me. With me as the backup for always accepting him he never had to worry about anyone else’s opinion of him. He’d been able to feel like the good guy when we were alone and that had been enough for him.


But I wasn’t with him anymore, and I most definitely wasn’t letting him get away with anything. “You know, I once thought I knew you James,” I shot at him, stopping in my tracks as I glared over at him. “Apparently I was wrong.”


I’d expected some sort of retort of course. He wasn’t the type to just let someone end a conversation. His reply, however, wasn’t what I’d expected. “I was wrong about you too,” he responded, a dark glint to his eyes as he looked to me. Before I could ask him what that was supposed to mean his eyes shifted their direction and my own gaze followed.


Out of anyone else it could have been it had to be Logan. He sat on a stone bench, a cigarette to his lips. The black tee he wore fit him perfectly and all of the looks he was getting from girls seemed to agree with me. His eyes, however, weren’t taking in the people around him. They were already trained in my direction and ready to meet mine the moment they found him.


“For someone who isn’t your boyfriend he sure shows up a lot.”


“He’s not,” Jim’s low voice cut through the still air. I was still in an eye lock with Logan, but I could feel his eyes were on me. “That’s Maver’s older brother.”


At his words I flinched. James was quick on the draw, shooting off a sarcastic line as I knew was coming. “Your best friend’s brother? Naughty naughty Kara.” His voice was dripping with the twisted satisfaction he was bathing in and I couldn’t help but shoot him a glare. “No wonder you wanted to play it off.”


“I’m not playing anything off,” I hissed, stepping away from him. “If anything was played it’s you.”


His green eyes had lost their cocky sheen, though his smirk remained. “Don’t you mean your boyfriend?” he asked, pausing before adding, “Or should that be plural?”


Tired of him misunderstanding just what had happened I decided to just tell him. Eyes were on us, and probably a matching amount of ears. The middle of the courtyard directly after school had let out wasn’t exactly the most private place to have such a discussion. But I didn’t care any more.


“First off, Logan never was my boyfriend. He only said that to piss you off,” I flashed him a deathly smirk. Perhaps more of Logan had rubbed off on me than I once believed. Now that I was throwing all of my petty cautions to the wind it seemed as though my words found themselves. “He knew all about Dylan, who, by the way, isn’t even my boyfriend anymore. I broke up with him this weekend.”


Not sure which of my words had hit harder, I basked in the lost look on James’ handsome face. For once it was an expression I approved of. “You are wrong about me,” I added, taking a little step closer as I gazed up into his brilliant green eyes. They’d once lit up as he made me smile, only now they seemed hungry and waiting. I didn’t know if I imagined it, but I could almost feel Logan flowing through my veins as I tilted my head to smile up at him. “I’m not the Kara you used to know.”


“I know,” James breathed, “which is why I think we’d be good for each other now.”


My smiled lowered instead to be teasingly disappointed. I reached out, setting my hand on his shoulder as I looked up into his green eyes. “There is no now for us James. I know you’re still hung up on me but you have to move on.” The buzz in the air of people eavesdropping seemed like fuel to the fire burning in my chest. It didn’t compare to the firey gaze from Logan as stepped back from James and met his eyes. “I know I have.”


On an ending note to go down in the high school history books I sauntered off. There would be no side notes informing readers that my mind had just about exploded.


Like with the poptart trick I’d pulled on Logan all those months ago I’d let my body act on it own. I went with the cocky confidence I’d always had around Maver and let it loose in another direction entirely. My innocence hadn’t been innocence at all. It’d been denial of the fact that I was sick and tired of my life. I hated my family. I hated my situation. But most of all I hated myself.


I’d let people walk all over me and had just taken it with a ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ It’d never been because that was who I was. It was because that was who I’d been in order to deal with it. Accepting the inevitable had seemed my only choice. Now, as I walked up to where Logan sat waiting for me I knew that I’d been wrong. Just like I’d done with him I could change where my story lead. All I had to do was grow the balls to be poptart Kara, and in the process not lose track of who I was.


One thing I did know was that no matter how far I’d grown I was still set in stone about one fact. I was not going to be Logan’s friend with benefits. I was going to be more than that. I was going to help him change just as he’d helped me.


With this in mind I came to a stop before him, our eyes still locked. He hadn’t looked away a single time since I’d started my way to him. “Looks like your fan club is staying ever vigilant.”


“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” I shrugged, trying to keep from smiling.


He raised a brow, giving an amused smile for me. “I saw. Kinda disappointed. I wanted to practice my right hook.”


I laughed, readjusting my backpack over my shoulder as he got to his feet. “Probably for the best. I think fighting on school grounds might have gotten you a detention.”


“I’m too old for detention babe,” he snickered, shoving his dark hair from his eyes. “They’d lock me up and throw away the key.”


“Good riddance,” I huffed playfully looking up at him.


Our gazes held, both of us smiling. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed his company until I was next to him again. The week apart had been the longest I’d gone without seeing him since I’d first met him. He seemed to have realized it as well for he asked, “So, are you done avoiding me then?”


I looked away, my eyes landing instantly on his bet up car parked in the fire lane in front of the courtyard. Not looking to him, I started to walk in it’s direction. I didn’t need to look over to know he’d fallen in step beside me. “I wasn’t avoiding you.”


“Didn’t make any effort to talk to me,” he pointed out.


“Neither did you,” I shot back, still avoiding his gaze. It wasn’t my intention to start a fight, but I said it nonetheless.


He groaned. “That’s because you ran off to do your thinking.” I moved to open the door but his hand darted out, stopping me from doing so. It landed on the frame, holding the door in it’s place. “I don’t know girl code Kara,” he growled, forcing me to meet his eyes as I looked up at him. He loomed, trapping me between the car and his body even with the added air that separated us. “I don’t know the rules for how long thinking is supposed to take.”


“I guess the girls you’re used to don’t do much thinking,” I muttered, cornered. I didn’t know what else to say.


Luckily this comment didn’t upset him. Little I said seemed to these days. “No, they don’t,” he agreed. The gaze between us grew heavy as he pulled his hand back from the car to run it through his hair once more.


Guilt crept through me at my words. I’d gone without talking to him all week and hadn’t considered what it felt like for him. All I could picture when I thought about it was the parties he’d throw and the girls that were always a part of them. I hadn’t considered that things were awkward for him too. I bet I was the first girl he’d kissed who’d chosen to flee and think over staying to see where things led. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”


“You did,” he countered before pulling open the door for me instead. “And you’re right. Usually there isn’t much thinking involved.”


Before I could respond he stepped away, walking around the front of the car. I followed his sturdy form with my eyes before forcing myself to climb into my seat. I pushed my backpack into the backseat and pulled my door closed by the time he’d gotten in. I turned to say something, anything, but the sound of his car starting as he turned the key put a stop to that.


His engine roared, almost crying as he forced his car onto the road. It picked up speed just as he turned his eyes towards me. “So,” he asked, “what did your thinking help you come up with?”


“Nothing,” I answered honestly. I couldn’t help but lean my head against the headrest, closing my eyes in defeat. “I just went in circles until I forgot what I was even trying to figure out.”


Unlike the laugh I expected, he instead replied. “That’s because you’re making things difficult,” he met my eyes and added, “as always.”  


“Well what do you suggest?” I asked, picking up on the fact he was poking fun at me.


“We do things my way. Make it simple. No thinking involved.”


I looked at him for a long time. Just sat there, watching him as he drove. What he said made so much sense, yet none at all. “What exactly is simple?” I asked, deciding I had to man up and accept the answer. It wouldn’t change just because I hid from it.


Logan looked over at me, a small playful smirk on his lips. “Do you trust me?”


“Not in the slightest.”


He chuckled, his eyes sparkling mischievously. “I always knew you were smarter than you looked.”  


“Hey!” I couldn’t stop myself from huffing. “I look smart.”


We shared a long look before he gave a big shake of his head. “Nahhhh,” he laughed.


I pursed my lips, the corners up in the tinest bit of a smile at his teasing. I’d missed this, I hated to admit. “Well what do I look like then?”


“Not a virgin,” he smarted back, throwing in a very Logan-esqe wink. We shared a little smile, mine paired with a rolling of my eyes. “Looks can be deceiving.”


“So you’re not trouble then?”


Logan flashed a devilish smile. “I guess I’m an exception to that saying.”


I laughed shaking my head before looking out the window at the passing streets. Driving in a car was so much faster than walking. I was already nearing home, and had I been on foot I’d still barely have been setting out. “We all have them.”


“And I’m yours,” Logan agreed to my mutter. I turned, looking at him in surprise that he’d even heard me, but he was busy getting a cigarette ready.


Wondering what he’d meant by that I had to ask, “How are you my exception?”


When he looked over to me, I found my eyes drawn to his lips that were now wrapped around a cigarette. He inhaled, before pulling it from his mouth. “What other no-good trouble maker do you spend time with?”


“None,” I admitted with a relieved laugh. I’d almost expected him to start a fight. Maybe call me a hypocrite, or say he was my exception for being nice to people. Some sort of Logan comment like that.


I realized suddenly he hadn’t made one of those in quite some time. Especially without being led into it. Lately everything he said consisted of a lot less insults and a lot more honesty. Just like the next words to leave his mouth. “You’re not the type of girl to waste your time with someone like me.”


“Again with that?” I asked, locking onto the first part of his statement. “Just what type of girl am I?”


His blue eyes surveyed me for a long time, leaving only to flicker to the road as he made a turn. “The type that has their own idea of right and wrong. You always know just what you will do and what you won’t do,” he peeled his eyes from me to watch the road. “You’re always you, no matter how unpopular what you do is.”


In a way he was right. Though I’d been running from the people who tormented me, I’d still made the decision not to stick around. I hadn’t risen to fighting with them. I didn’t want to give them that satisfaction. Rather I’d decided I wanted to ignore it so I did.


As I came to hear the truth in his words I finally caught up to his sentence from earlier. “You’re right, I am that girl.” I agreed with a little nod, meeting his eyes. “But you’re also wrong.” He opened his mouth like he was about to say more, but I didn’t give him the opportunity. “Somewhere along the line I decided you weren’t a waste of time. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”


“Why are you here?”


His question surprised me, and I couldn’t stop from looking away as my cheeks heated. I wasn’t even sure of the answer. “Where?” I asked, trying to deflect the question.


“With me,” he supplied the answer without hesitation.


It was what I’d feared he’d say and what I’d known he’d meant. Deep down I knew oe answer. I enjoyed spending time with him. We pulled up to my aunt’s house, his car shifting into park. It was the perfect opportunity to escape. Instead I turned to face him, giving a little sure smile. “You’re not such bad company.”


With a flicker his gaze danced over my face. “Then you’ll come over tomorrow.”


I hadn’t expected that. “What?” I asked, trying to blink away my confusion. I’d gotten myself prepared  for him to dredge out more information; maybe even get me to admit I felt something for him.


Instead he smirked a very Logan smirk, one that made my heartbeat race from being on the receiving end of it. “I’ll show you what simple means.”


“Log-”


“Now get out of my car,” he cut me short, reaching over to undo my seatbelt for me. “I’ve got things to do.”


Stunned into obeying I grabbed my backpack from his back seat and pulled open my door. As I climbed from it I realized what I was doing and pursed my lips, stopping halfway to peer in the door towards him. “Did it ever occur to you I might have plans tomorrow?”


“You don’t,” he shot back, still smirking. It was true, so I closed the door instead of admitting it. He wasn’t done with me though, for he leaned across the center console to give me a mischievous grin. “I hope you’re good at cutting hair,” he commented, “because I need a cut.”


My mouth opened to shoot down his idea, but he’d already pulled off onto the street. Though I couldn’t hear his evil laughter fading into the distance I could sure imagine it. He got off on getting the last word, I just knew it.

-=-=-=- Side picture thanks to laughterandjynx  -=-=-=-