For Hating Me You Sure Are Possessive

19: Abandonment is a Funny Thing

I held an inward smile yet felt increasingly awkward as we walked down the hallway. I didn’t really know Jim. I’d seen him a few times around school. Before my parent’s incident I’d had him in a few of my school project groups. But other than that I’d never actually talked to him. Certainly not after what happened with my parents. So why had he come to my defense? “Thanks.” I said not really sure of what else to say as he held open the door for me and I walked out into the cold outdoor air.

We entered Maver’s Chevelle and Jim pulled out of the parking spot and onto the road. “I know it’s not my business but did something happen between you two?” he asked taking a turn carefully to get onto the freeway.

Just great. Mission accomplished Logan, now he thinks we’ve had sex. “Me and him… we, I guess, we never… you know. I barely know the guy.” I didn’t know how to say it exactly and it ended up coming out like that. A butchered sentence of denial.

“Oh I didn’t mean like that.” He laughed shaking his head. “Nah I don’t pay attention to what he says anyways. I just meant did you guys get in a fight or something? Like is there a reason he seems to single you out?”

I shook my head. So he’d noticed it to then. I wasn’t imagining things after all. “I don’t know. He just hates me.”

“Should have heard him last night. Kept randomly telling Maver that he should go check on you, that you might have talked someone into the room with you or something. Just real stupid stuff. Couldn’t tell if he was saying it to piss off Maver or fill some hate quota against you for the night but it seemed like Maver just ignored him so I figured it had to be the other one.”

Great so even when I’m not around he’s hating me. Had I done something? Is it because I said he’s not my type? I shrugged and looked out the window. “He’s just a crazie and I don’t pretend to understand him. I think I’m just an easy target.”

Or maybe it’s because he could feel me respond despite my protests and he thought it pathetic that my body wanted him? Thought teasing me was fun and all but that he’d have to make sure I knew it was only that so I don’t get carried away like some lovesick puppy.

I shrugged away the idea and offered Jim a smile. “Thanks for the ride by the way. Maver always backs out on me.”       

“Yeah he’s done the same to me a few times.” He nodded knowingly and I told him the directions to my house. “I should probably say sorry.”

His words caught me offguard and I tried to think back to all the short time I’d known Jim. He’d done nothing worth apologizing for. “Sorry for what?”

“Nothing.” He said then paused as if reconsidering his choice of words…well, word. “I mean I’m sorry I’ve done nothing. I’ve seen you alone at school a lot and walking home afterwards and never did anything about it.”

I nodded once. “It’s not a big deal.” And it wasn’t. I didn’t mind the forced solitary confinement that seemed to be placed on me. I really didn’t need pity either.

Jim shook his head. “People talk you know? They say things. And then you start to believe them. I always thought I was raised better but I fell right into it. I wouldn’t say I avoided you since I hardly know you and all but I sure didn’t defend you. And when Maver introduced us I have to admit I was expecting-“