craquaria ✰ i love you, or whatever

Chapter 3: God damn it, Gio!

Miz Cracker/Maxwell's POV

I was damn tired. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget about all of today's drama. I couldn't believe that Aquaria really thought that of me. I've lied to myself this whole time, blaming everyone around us for making us grow apart, when in reality, Aquaria had been talking shit about me behind my back. It never even crossed my head. I thought that we just stopped talking, but I never stopped caring for her. I felt, deep down in my heart, that one day, once everyone got over the twin thing drama, we'd be able to be friends again. But God, was I wrong.
I had tried to keep things cool. I would smile at her if we crossed in our local bar back in NYC, trying to be as polite and nice as possible, since I thought that the friendship being broken had been my fault. Everyone said that I was the copy cat, everyone blamed me. And I started believing that too. I started making myself smaller in order to allow Aquaria and her talent grow bigger. I only wanted the best for her and I felt like my friendship was a liability, since she was just starting her career as a performer, and all I had brought to it was some poor taste drama. I didn't want her to be known for the wrong reasons. I wanted to protect her. I didn't think, not even for one second, that me letting her grow bigger had not only allowed her career to grow but also her ego. She was acting so selfishly now, so careless on what anyone else was feeling. Since she walked into the Werk Room, her whole vibe was self centered, or at least it seemed that way. And then now, hearing everything what The Vixen had to say about Aquaria's comments during untucked... My head was spinning and I started getting more anxious than I already was.
"Damn you, Cracker. You always think so highly of everyone else and so poorly about yourself. This is all your fault, Brianna. You allowed what at first was a small joke to grow into this huge and awful situation." I said to myself, while I felt the air escaping out of my lungs. I tried to breath and calm myself down. I stopped pacing and then sat on the edge of the bed. I stared at the carpeted hotel room floor for a couple of more minutes, trying to suppress the tears that I was starting to feel in the back of my eyes. I sighed and under my breath I mouthed "God damn it Gio, I fucking miss you."

I stood up again, changed into my pajamas and then got into bed. I laid there, unable to fall asleep, realizing that after what had happened today, I'd have to talk with Giovanni about the issue. I didn't want to, I didn't really felt like there was much to talk about. I mean, there was, but i knew she wouldn't want to talk to me and she doesn't want to be my friend ever again. For what I understood from today, she hates me and thinks I'm not original. I might be insecure about many things, but I won't beg for her friendship back when I wasn't the one who talked shit about her. She was wrong. She had to acknowledge it... but c'mon. Who was I trying to fool? This was a new Aquaria, not my old friend, who was very mature for her age and whom which I had spent so many good times. This was a new, meaner version of herself. I didn't know this new person. At all. But if there's something im good at it's overthinking and predicting what people will do or say after seeing their behavior, and I knew for a fact that this "new" Giovanni would never try to fix things with me. Or at least I thought I knew. I wanted to believe so. But there were these voices inside of my head that I just didn't seem to be able to turn off. What if he was right? What if I really had been copying her and I hadn't even realized it myself? What if this whole time, our fight, the growing distance, what if everything had been my fault? With these negative thoughts in my mind I curled up into bed and made my best efforts to fall asleep.

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I am SOOOOO INCREDIBLY SORRY
I disappeared from wattpad for like a decade, I'm so sorry🥺🥺 I've had so much going on, i started in a new job and all of my free time now goes straight into being sad and hanging out with my closest friends, ive had zero time and ZERO INSPIRATION to write. I started with other stories and completely forgot about this one. I haven't posted anything yet bc i want them to be close to finished once I start posting so that I'll be able to upload often without having mental breakdowns everytime i start writing.
Thanks for waiting and reading. Love y'all 🥺🥺🥰