We're All Outcasts (Gerard Way/ MCR Fanfiction)

Sometimes I Think I'll Die Alone

So, how was everyone's Halloween (Happy birthday, Frank!)? That's my costume, the picture attached. You're never too old to enjoy Halloween! Thanks for being patient, hope you like the chapter...

Stay beautiful, keep it ugly,

Maya-The-Psychic

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Gerard's POV (Drama):

'Her condition hasn't improved'. It felt so horribly impersonal, so blunt, when the doctors told us there was an ultimatum. As if my own heart was stopping, pain ripping through my chest as I sat on the chair at her bedside.

You hear about these things on TV, but never once do you think anything will ever happen to you or anyone you love. We all believe that we're immortal, untouchable, that nothing will happen to us. Then, all at once, something happens that makes us realise how vulnerable humans really are - how we're so fragile, so very weak and how easily lives can be extinguished like a flame in the wind. You hear the whine of ambulance sirens in the distance and the realisation dawns: your life will never be the same. It brings you back down to Earth. But that's not how it works. Instead, you're swallowed alive by melancholia, engulfed in pure, raw agony. Pain is a drug, once you drown in the ice in your chest, you can never surface unaffected or unsullied by its icy black fingers.

I hadn't left the house since Scarlett was rushed into hospital (except to visit her) and I haven't gone out at all since the doctors told us that they were going to switch her life- support machines off. Hell, I hadn't even left my room. Mikey was worried about me, I knew he was, but I didn't speak to him. He'd bring me food and bottles of water, sitting on the edge of my bed and waiting expectantly for me to pour out my heart.

I never did; even if I had, what would I have said? I'd have to tell him everything and I couldn't. I was always secretive and I didn't like telling people about my problems.

Ha ha, like how you're a PAEDOPHILE?

How you love a sixteen- year- old girl who you used to TEACH?

How you KISSED HER?

How you had thoughts about fucking her when she was only fifteen? How you were secretly envious when she was dancing with your brother in the school play?

God, you're messed up. Admit it. You're a fucking paedophile and you deserve everything you're going to get when the police find out.

"Gee? Please talk to me." Mikey pleaded. His voice cracked at the end of the sentence; there was no way I could ignore him.

"I'm sorry, Mikes. I've been a shit brother for the last few weeks, haven't I?"

He shook his head sharply, glasses almost falling from his nose.

"I just-- what happened with Scarlett... I can't... It's not something I can possibly fathom."

He knew. He had to have guessed. I wouldn't be acting like this if she was just my brother's friend, or my student. God, I was an idiot.

"I saw the card you wrote to her. Please tell me what's going on."

"I--" God, I was so pathetic. I couldn't even say a single word, anything, to argue my case.

"I won't be angry with you if you and Scarlett have done anything, but you have to tell me the truth."

He was trying to be tactful, but he would definitely be shocked if I told him the whole truth of what was going on in my head.

"I'm so sorry, Mikes. I've been so fucking irresponsible."

"It's okay, Gee. It's okay. Just tell me. I promise won't freak out."