lost - inside a teenage mind

17 september -19

surrounded by thoughts

it's been the beginning of so much new lately. new things, new expressions and impressions. a new chapter.

these last weeks has been tough, not gonna lie. nothing went really as expected. i came in with high hopes and would soon crash down like a simple paper plane being thrown away, only to sail for two simple seconds.

did i have too high hopes? yes.

i told myself as time grew closer and closer that i wouldn't have too high hopes, that i would just expect nothing. but how can a simple mind undestand a single word of that?

sometimes you just expect some things happening faster than they actually do.

i feel kind of limited from really feeling like home where i am right now too. that's a feeling i've felt before, and i thought i would finally feel free from that feeling. i really thought that this new beginning would help me find my way back again. how hopeless.

but i know it's still just the beginning. it's just so many things that already scares me. i just don't want to miss out or feel lonely. but the thing is i sometimes do this to myself.

sometimes i get scared and try to flee from all of these things too. i just sit around waiting for all the good things to come to me, but do you know what?
you can't count on everything to just come to you by it's own. some things you actually have to chase.

i know that if i would actually take the chance and go out of my comfort zone i could you know, really spread my wings and feel free, if i just tried hard enough. so it's all about actually trying more, stop giving up.

like, i hate that i have opportunities, but i don't take them. i just suck in that way.

and i know some things just take time. good things take time. so i'm going to keep working on finding my way home, out of my comfort zone, where i can feel happy soon again. and if it's going to take years then so be it. i just know that someday, everything will feel fine again, and i'm going to make sure it does.