Selfish bastard

Part 6

(Simon's POV)

Sitting on the sofa, my face buried in my hands, I slowly but surely face reality : David just broke up with me. He's gone. I'd never have expected him to reject me like that but I get it now...I hurt him, so badly he chose to never see me again. And the idea of it makes me sick. Literally, physically.

A very unpleasant shiver travels along my spine, making me tremble, from head to toe. My head hurts. I'm in shock. And my body expresses it violently...I feel nauseous and it increases, second after second. I can't take it anymore, run to the toilets and throw up.

...............................................................

I try to catch my breath while cleaning my face. The headache's still here, my temples are pulsating. I have to lay down for a moment. I close my eyes and try to relax but this is vain. All I can see is David's face full of tears, his sweet voice begging me to talk...and me standing here like an idiot, unable to speak, helplessly watching him go away.

Questions start to pop up in my head : What took him so long to talk to me ? Was he frustrated all along ? Did he stay silent just to please me ? I can't believe he would...But he must certainly have wished one day, we'd become more than just sex friends. And with that fucking week-end idea of mine, I screwed it all up...

I feel really bad. I turn and turn in my bed, moved by how he hopefully carried on and never let it show. I finally decide to get up...I'm way too agitated to sleep, even just to rest and I feel the urge to talk to someone.

But who ? I never said anything to anyone about David and I, not even to my closest friends. Too risky. Plus my stupid ego wouldn't bear to be judged. Whatever, now's a different time. I need to find a sympathetic ear to ease my conscience, find some relief.

I take my phone and scroll through my contacts, in search of the right person...a name rapidly catches my attention : Alesha. She may be a colleague but she's also a close friend, not to mention she's the sweetest person I know. Her discretion and special tie with David end convincing me.

An hour later, she's here and I warmly hug her. I'm lucky she's available. Even if her presence puts smile in my heart, I'm terribly anxious about telling her. But it's now or never.

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"Wait...what ?" she asks in astonishment, her eyes wide open. Not surprisingly, she's kind of shocked.

"Yes...yes, it's true..." I mutter, embarrassed like never before. She waits a few seconds to get used to the idea then moves on :

"First, I really want you to know that...I'm happy you trust me enough to confide in me. I know it's not easy..."

I sigh and nod. She pursues :

"You know I'll never judge you but I need to understand...You knew from the start he loved you, right ? And...you chose to start a sexual relationship with him anyway ?..."

"Yes..." I answer, feeling like sinking into the sofa. But we have to sort it out and this is the only way.

"I gave him false hopes, true...and I didn't treat him well. I was selfish....God, I really messed it all up, huh ?..." I continue, feeling like shit or worse, if possible. Alesha doesn't attempt to put all the blame on me, though.

"Partly, yes...but David's a grown man, Simon, he knew he could suffer. He made a choice and by doing so, he deliberately took a risk too".

Her words sooth me for a moment but guilt still pokes me harshly.

"Ok...Let's focus on you, will you ? What did you have in mind when you proposed him to stay for the week-end ?" she asks, smartly moving to another level. I hesitate :