Should Have Seen This Coming...

Chapter X - Family Tides

My father's horrible. I mean... where do I start? He's certainly not a role model. He has more negatives than positives or redeeming qualities. And I'm not just saying this because he took away my toys as a kid or something. He fucking sucks to the core. He's inflicted trauma, doesn't take accountability unless it's very minor and he's pretty much your typical old-timer that hates most of what's new, but that's tamed in comparison to the other shit, I guess. The end? No... that can't be it. Um, let's see... Well, for starters, he's a junkie.

When I classify my father as a junkie I don't mean your typical scratch-the-elbow, rub-the-nose and widen-the-eyes kind of junkie. This is presumably a bit more nuanced. He prioritizes marijuana over everything; food, home entertainment, my mother, myself and my siblings and the list goes on. There's been instances where he's basically sold our food for weed money. That's terrible, my nigga. Like... he really takes food out of people's mouths, leaving them starving just so he can smoke or have a pot stash. That's a pothead junkie for sure.

My mother has her fair share of problems and shitty views. She's an alcoholic and it's mostly because of my father's negligence and stress infliction on her. Oftentimes whenever she gets money, she likes to spend it on liquor but she also spends it on essentials, unlike my father most of the time, which is a redeeming quality of hers. Seeing people drunk -- but moreso women, and even furthermore Black women, hurts me because it reminds me of my mother. I especially hate seeing her intoxicated because it looks pathetic, just like most drunks do.

Aside from her drinking habits, similar to my father, she's homophobic, sexist, and transphobic just like the lot of old-fashioned Black parents. Not to mention, she's pretty dismissive when it comes to being challenged but not like my father. My mother has always been the more supportive, understanding and nurturing parent and I love that about her. That's one of the reasons we're so close. Truthfully there isn't much bad to say about her aside from her vices and her problematic ideals. She seems to be a somewhat average, functioning human being and I love her very much. I'm just holding her accountable because I'm objective.

Growing up, my father whipped me over the smallest shit... like proving him wrong mostly. It was never anything severe like breaking an object that was passed down from generations; probably because that's never happened. I could do something stupid that most kids do like touch the stovetop and get beat. Beatings were his only disciplinary measures and it shows. My mother, on the other hand, would beat me but very seldomly. And she mostly exercised guidance. She'd instill integrity and morals within me and that made the fucking difference. Fuck you, Dad.

This nigga was drunk one time decades ago and he beat my brother "Dre" up when he was at least 10 years old and my brother had to go to Los Angeles with a swollen face. And to make matters worse, the police came to their house and literally saw my brother's face and did absolutely nothing about it; the motherfucker didn't write a report, put my father in cuffs or anything close to that. I don't remember seeing this go down because I was at least 3 years old and my memory doesn't go that far back but my brother relayed it to me and it left me traumatized.

I won't even bother with going any further in this chapter because just the very thought of my father makes me cringe. I honestly don't like him very much, if at all. So, yeah... that's it. That's my book, guys. I hope you either took something away from reading this or enjoyed reading this or both, to be completely honest with you. As you can see, I'm an introvert with a lot to talk about with no one to really talk to or vent to. So... thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to read my mind. I genuinely appreciate it.