17 year old Jaylani escapes her past with an abusive mother and boyfriend back in Chicago to live with her 19 year old brother Stokeley in Broward county Florida. Jaylani has numerous mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, mixed personality disorde...
Hi, sorry I haven't been updating I've been really depressed. Also, I appreciate that you guys have been commenting, please do that more. No one reads this book anymore, but even I'm eager to see what happens next and it's not about views anymore. So, ya'll get a few EXTRA long chapters now and for the next few days.
Jahseh POV:
Disbelief mixed with pain spread across her face. "Wh-..." She couldn't even finish what she was saying. "It was an accident", I said my voice started to break.
She smacked her lips and looked up tears swelling in her eyes. She shook her head and slowly got up grabbing her phone off the table.
She walked away, I got up and grabbed her shoulders trying to force her to face me. She elbowed me, making me fall backwards and grope me stomach.
She continued walking to the door and aggressively opened it and slammed it.
I inhaled shakily preparing for the rush of pain to rush into my veins making it's way to me heart. I sat down and wrapped my arms around my knees and rocked myself back and forth, bracing myself for the heart wrenching agony about to hit.
It was quick to come, but not to leave. I gasped, as the ungraspable numbness shot through me with the obliterating pain inches behind. "What have I done" I chocked out, covering my mouth so I didn't cry too loud. The metaphorical hole in my chest pulsated at a slow pace from the shock. The raw ragged edges that hung loosely around it were still. It felt like someone plunged their hands into your chest and. grasped your heart and tugged as hard as they could. The pain was dehumanizing. This was almost as bad as Geneva, even though Geneva was the one who hurt me, and 𝐼 hurt someone else, karmas a bitch.
Jaylani POV:
The pain crashed hard into my chest like a train wreck as I walked out of Jahseh's door. Unavoidable tears rushed down my face, each one only centimeters away from the next.
I covered my mouth as I speed walked next door, I started to run as I heard the sound of a car close by, Stokeley. I rushed in and closed the door rushing to my room into the bathroom.
I turned on the water to conceal my muffled pain infused screams. I filled the tub up and got in with my clothes on.
I grabbed my phone and started playing "when they party's over" by Billie Eilish. I screamed the lyrics letting everything pour out in water falls.
The water was cold but I didn't care, I dunked my head under the water and closed my eyes, almost completely deaf except for being able to feel the beat of the song. Pictures of Jahseh flashed through my head, making my pain build up even stronger, a whole new layer of agony on top of the slightly used stack of emotion. then, the pain stopped.
Numbness took over my body, closing up the gaping hole left open. I threw my head forward and out of the water lifting my upper body, water splashed outside of the tub as I gasped for air. It was cold, empty, a completely ungraspable, feeling. Almost like something inside of me was clawing at my insides searching for a spurious light, that could possibly be on the outside of it's own oblivion. Obviously, unreachable.
>>
I laid in bed and blasted "Call out my name, slowed" through my headphones. The Weeknd has been my coping mechanism since I was 8 or like 10. When he was still called "xo." His voice, his lyrics, it numbed it all. Silent, painless tears streamed down my face. I was still in wet clothes and my mascara was running down my face. I mouthed the words to the song, as soon as it was done I got up and went to my dresser and picked up a blunt, I took a few from Stokeley, he did say I could have some whenever I wanted. I lit the swisher and took a long inhale, feeling the smoke in my lungs made me snatch the blunt away from my lips. (I can't think of the correct word cause I'm smart, sigh. -author)
I exhaled, the smell filled the room immediately, Stoke had some strong ass weed, wouldn't be surprised if I died. I wouldn't care, neither would anyone else.
>
10 minutes later I could tell I was high, I decided to look through Instagram. The first thing that came up was something Jah posted, I quickly tried scrolling past but something caught my eye. I scrolled back up and I literally almost dropped my phone.
xxxtentacion:
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@ xxxtentacion: I don't wanna do this anymore.
liked by: Ayleks, the slump god, and 12,098 others
@the slump god: u ugly. but what's wrong vro, come over
@xxxtentacion: @the slump god i can't.
@Ayleks: um....
@kodak black: You look like, black casper
@xxxtentacion: @kodak black I know.
"Yo" Stoke barged in my room. "You see this" Stoke said ruffling his dreads and shoving his phone in my face. It was the picture of Jah. I slowly nodded and shoved his phone away, and looked down, hoping he couldn't see that I was crying. I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was staring at me. "What's wrong" he said sitting down. I looked up and shook my head trying to hold in the heavy tears coming. He snuggled close to me, "I got you" He said hugging me. Everything poured out and I cried into his shoulder. His arms were actually really muscular, he always had his shirt on so I never knew he had muscles. Plus, people always called him fat so I assumed he was. "What happened" He asked lifting my face.
Stokeley POV:
I looked into her eyes, the pain she had stored away was peaking through just enough to be visible. It was heart wrenching. I love Lani more than anyone or anything, and seeing her in pain breaks my heart more than any girl could.
"Nothing" she chocked out. Lani was a really bad a liar, and I knew her better than anyone so I could tell when she was hiding something, lying, telling the truth, or locking away her feelings. She was the opposite as an "open transparent person" she locked everything away. Which just made things worse.
"tell me now" I said calmly trying to make her feel safe, and okay. "Jahseh" She chocked out, it made adrenaline rush through my veins and some kind of light switch turn on in my brain. I was so aggravated, I wanted tor ip his head off for hurting her. "what" I said angrily trying to stay calm, which obviously wasn't working. "He slept with someone else" she said quietly. I knew the whole story which made me calm down. "I know I said" stuttering a little regretting what I just said knowing that she'd be mad at me for not telling her. Something flashed in her eyes. "What" she said angrily. I knew about her "situation" so I had to keep in mind that she was dangerous. "Go talk to Jahseh, he'll tell you the whole situation. It's not what you think, just talk to him.
Not as long as I wanted. But what do ya'll think is gonna happen next.
