Tattooed Hearts (Lashton)

Chapter 9

I have never seen Michael this made. Of course when he would lose a game he would be a bit grumpie, but I never saw him this mad.

"How long" Michael whispered after speaking loudly and insulting Ryan and Adam for every bad word known to human kind.

"Since they moved in, I guess" I answered honestly. Now he knew this, there wasn't really a reason to lie to him anymore.

"Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you" Michael asked again in a whisper. "They would have hurt you too" I said. "Do you have any idea why they do this to you?" He whispered, afraid someone might hear us even though we were the only ones here. I shook my head. He sighed. "Does your mum know?". Again I shook my head. It was silent for a minute until someone came in and gave us a weird look.

When we came back from the bathroom, both Calum and Ashton looked our way. Calum with a curious one and Ashton with a more concerned one. I gave him a small smile as if to assure him I was alright.

"Were you going at it or something?" Calum asked us.

Michael and Calum walked ahead of us talking about who bottomed in our so called relationship. Ashton kept giving me glances filled with worry and was starting to annoy me.

"If you want to ask something, you can..." I said quietly. He looked uncertain but asked it anyway.

"Are you OK?" Was all he asked. I contemplated on telling the truth or just nodding. I went with the latter and Ashton gave me a look that said he didn't buy it. He didn't say anything though.

We reached my house after we dropped Michael and Calum off. Ashton insisted on bringing me home, even though I could go myself.

"Hey, if you want to talk about anything, give me a call" Ashton said after he gave me a little card. It was one of those little cards they give away at the tattoo shop which had their number, name, etcetera on it. Only on this one there was written a number in a messy handwriting. Guessing it was his number I kept quiet and went inside, closing the door and watching Ashton leave through the window.

I have been in my room, staring at the number written on the card for 2 hours already. My nose was still bleeding and my head was throbbing from the hit it got when I was pushed down the stairs. I also had a new bruise on my stomach. The day we went out for food I came home 5 minutes late. I had to pay for it.

'Just 2 more days. Then mum will be back again' I kept telling myself. The beating had become worse by the day. Ryan and Adam would make up stupid reasons to beat me up. At school it wasn't as great anymore either. Not since Jake came back and so did the daily beatings. They were worse then I can remember. Sometimes I would miss a class because I just couldn't get up anymore and was chained to the floor of the locker rooms. I haven't told Mikey yet, I'm afraid of the consequences. They could tell Ryan and Adam and the beatings at home could become even worse, if that was possible.

You know you deserve it. All the pain they cause you. It's payback for what you did to them.

Hurting them.

Disappointing them.

Letting them down. Over and Over.

You know it's what you deserve.

I know it's what I deserve. But it hurts. It freaking hurts.

I walked towards the bathroom. Well more sneaked because I didn't know if Ryan and Adam were home and I didn't want to alarm them when they were. I locked it and walked to the drawers. I took out the double bottom and took one of the many razors I hid there. I craved it. I craved for the cold metal against my skin, ripping it apart and seeing my blood dribble down my arms. It felt good. It hurt but it felt good. I like this pain, not the pain the beatings make me feel. But this feels relieving.

I started with one. Then one more. And one more. And again, one more, until I had about 14 cuts on my wrists. They weren't deep, but they did bleed.

After I cleaned and hid everything in the drawer someone knocked on the door.

"Hey, piece of shit, someone's at the door for you" Adam called through the door. I waited to hear his footsteps fade away, going towards his room, before I went downstairs to see who was there. I hope not Michael, I can't handle him screaming at my brothers right now.

To my suprise it was Ashton who was stanfing behind the closed frontdoor. I raised my eyebrows and give him a questioning look. "Hey" He said shyly. "Hi" I mumbled back. I opended the door to let him in, but he pulled me outside. I had a short sleeved shirt on and the cold made me shiver. Ashton took me to his car and let me inside, turning on the heat. I looked at my arms, realising he could easily see the fresh cuts and all the scars. I tried hiding them but it didn't help. He gasped and grasped my arms gently, looking at the insides of my arms. His eyes began to water and I wondered why. He coulnd't be crying just because of this, could he?

"Why?" Was all he asked. I looked down and shrugged. "I need it" I answered, being honest for once. He shook his head, not believing me. "You don't, why do you do it?" He asked again. I looked up at him, looking in his eyes and saying, "I need it. To stay sane. To know I can still feel. To know I am still alive somehow" I said. I pulled free from his grasp and turned to leave the car again.

'Wait!" I heard Ashton yell. I turned around and looked down full of shame. "What?" I whispered, tears threatning to fall.

"Stay with me for a few days? I want to help you. I don't want you to hurt yourself. I want to show you that you don't need it to stay sane or know you're still alive. That there are other ways to prove it to yourself" He pleaded. "Please". "Give me a chance".

I was weighing out all the cons and pro's to decide what to do.

I would be away from my brothers. My body could heal properly before the next beating would happen.

On the other side my brothers would get made and beat me up even worse, and I wouldn't be able to cut for the time being.

It was even, so as stupid as I am I decided to go with him. I climbed in his car again, not wanting to go back inside and risking my Ryan and Adam finding out.

Maybe I could buy some new razors and sneak them with me.....

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Ello people! Do you like me? Or do you hate me?

I didn't really plan this to go this way, I would make Luke call Ash after he got a severe beating, but nope, my mind thought otherwise :)

I love this picture, Luke lookds like he's going to sneeze and Ash is just his usual cute little (not that much) self <3

Thoughts on Ashton finding out about Luke's selfharm?

Thoughts on Luke going with Ash?

Goal: 8 votes and 4 comments? I believe in you, so make it happen, otherwise no update! :D

Byee!! See you next time! :D