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| tuesday april 18 12:03 PM |
" maybe we should all go to the movies or bowling on friday night." sam suggests with a shrug. i glance over at jack who was already staring at me causing me to quickly look away. we haven't said much to each other. it's mostly been awkward contact and short answered conversations. i hate the feeling. i miss talking to him more than anything but i feel like giving in would be dumb for me. i don't want him thinking he can just get his way when ever he messes up. i want him to come to me about it first. i want him to tell me why he did it and what all was going through his head. everything was going so great i just want to know why he had to do that.
"i'm down" nate nods with a shrug. "me too" nia smiles, sounding excited about doing it. "can vince come?" chris asks curiously. "of course" nate nods like it was obvious that he was welcome. "i cant" jack and i both say at the same time making a tension form between us. "you know what? maybe i can. i'll have to see" i change my mind, looking over at nia. she's the only one who knows about what happened the other night. i refuse to tell chris yet. i'll probably wait until this weekend after our groups plans. despite how mad i am and how much i want the rest of them to know, jack and i are still together... i want him to still be able to trust me later on when we're past what ever this is.
my lack of experience in relationships definitely doesn't help the situation because i don't know what i'm supposed to do. nia knows but i don't want to go to her with every single problem i have... i want to be able to learn and do it on my own. so i'm trying my best with what i've got.
"yeah sounds fun" johnson says, sounding as if he hasn't heard anything. i'm guessing jack didn't tell him. "why can't you come bro?" sammy asks jack. he stays quiet for a second. everyone's eyes were on him, including mine. he breaks his stare from the table and looks over at me. his expression was unreadable... it looked almost like he was begging or something. "i just don't think i'll be able to make it" jack shrugs. he made lying look easy. everything in me wanted to tell them he's lying, but that's not me.
i wouldn't feel like me if i did.
"that's too bad" i say, trying to seem normal but i don't know how at this point. it's like i've completely forgotten how we used to act around each other. "yeah, maybe i can come next time." he says lowly. his tone made me feel bad. it made me even more sad that we were in the situation that we were. i wish we could just go back to that night and redo the whole thing, both of us making different decisions but sadly that's not how it works. that's not how it works at all.
"maybe we could just reschedule it?" chris suggests making my heart pound as i wait for jacks answer. "no guys, it's fine. i don't want to have you guys missing out on it because of me.." he smiles at them, acting like it was all okay. "you sure?" nia asks, raising one eyebrow as she cocks her head. i knew what she was doing. she always does this when she tries to pretend nothing happened. she doesn't know how to act either. sam looks at her and laughs causing her to break her stare on jack and turn to smile at sammy.
