White Top Hats

Chapter Three : The Unknown

I had an unusually long dream. The ironic thing was that it started off very much normal. It waited like prey to catch me in its trap. I clapped for its knowledge. It knew what it was doing. I danced on an empty street. Right in the middle of the road, no people to drive past. There was only one street light and I was under it. The rest of the street lay cold in the dark. I listen to the scraping sounds from below me. Feeling whatever I dared to. Moving all areas of my body as if cutting through classical musical notes resembled a knife to a block of cheese. Surrendering my worries for joy, quickly embraced a meaning of hope. I was uplifted in the brightest way possible. In a literal and mental sense. It went on for a while, I stayed distracted within myself, like whatever wanted me, had to mask the smell of trouble. It used me to play its game against me. It was smart.

I encouraged my new found aspiration to be a freeing sensation. My smile cracked from behind my lips. I knew there wasn't anything to be afraid of, let alone uncontrollable. In a split second my mood shifted and all of a sudden I knew it was angry. I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise up at the same time my goosebumps did. Concern written all over my face. The air became summer hot and the city noise resumed in the background. Whatever it was had my body fully controlled. I spun in different ways and leaped into the air. I hadn't come down and I was fighting myself for freedom. As soon as I gained a sense of strength it ripped through it. Tearing its claws as deep into me that it scratched my soul. My screeching to a deep howl exemplified the pain I felt. My body far into floating when it smashed down like broken glass to cement. Every exposed piece of flesh grazed. My blood of bones ached. Physically unable to move, bent up in the middle of the road like something out of a horror movie. Mentally unable to adjust my normal eyesight view from the black figure across the way.

My eyes burned from staring at it for so long. It stood so far away yet I heard a long lasting laugh like it was a foot away. It flung something long and thick to clasp my ankle. At which time drug me toward him faster than a roller coaster. My nails broken down to nothing as scratching the ground proved to no purpose except stupidity. My throat burning to hell from screaming so aggressively. I hadn't but a second to meet my fate, and down to the last I jerked awake.

I took a moment, clearly needing it. I sat upward still recovering with the most intense breathing I had ever felt in my entire adult life. I scrambled for the lightbulb next to me, eyeing absolutely every detail in my room. The window, my half opened closet, my floor. Sweat slid down the sides of my face, warming evermore from the heat coming from my skin. Sitting in silence for five minutes waiting for it to show again. To leap from my dreams to the darkest corner in my room. Harass me at my most vulnerable state. I chuckled to myself and patted my cheeks. I need to wake up. I need to understand that imaginary things don't suddenly come to life. And then I felt ashamed of my fright. What kind of man slumps his exterior so dramatic from a night terror, shaking in his skin over something so unrealistic? Me, apparently. I refreshed myself and called it a night for the second time.

***

After my shower I stood in front of my bedroom window air drying. The sun took over bursting through like a race car. Perfectly resting against my body. I tied a knot to my waist before cracking it open. The cool air battled with the sun to get to me. The mixture was soothing. I remember when I was sent to my room day by day. I used to have a chair sat in front of this window. Ready to be sitting in it. I wouldn't have done much, sometimes it seemed like I hadn't done anything. It was so lonely in here. My parents made me out to be the problem child, really messed with my head. The only picture painted in my frame was leaves. Imagine looking into a window all day, waiting for day to turn to night so you can go to sleep and not have to think about the punishments anymore. Except in my case, I taught myself to daydream so that I didn't have to focus on my real self. My imagination was my freedom. At times I wish I had enough friends, like my brother, he was constantly out. I feel how less happy I was than what I could've been but extremely grateful to have lived and be loved. That's the funny thing I learned about life. The obstacles are meant to form your wisdom yet, some of us spend each day a step away from agony.