White Top Hats

Chapter Five : The Plan

"Define business." I sat with my foot on my knee. Just like yesterday, him on one couch, me on another. Except if he lied to me this time I would actually know the truth. That's all I was asking for, you wouldn't think it would be hard to tell the truth because I've been truthful with him. I just had too many pent up questions.

He shook his head and then leaned forward burying his hands in his face. I wasn't sure why he was stressed out. I should be the one in his shoes, yet here we are. He mumbled, "you wouldn't understand."

All I do is try to be understanding. No matter what I say, I try to be there for anyone who needs me to be. But you can't claim that you want an understanding for your truth when you're only telling lies. It doesn't work like that.

"I just want to make sure I got this straight," I gestured my hands in circular motions. I took my time, remembering everything from the past twenty-four hours. It was a lot more, but that was the cherry on top for me, the focus I was on. "You do your business in cemeteries, for some sort of initiation? Like the college shit on tv."

"I don't know how to convince you otherwise." He replied in the most driest way possible. Only now his wrists rested against his legs and he stared ahead at the colorful glass flowers on the mantel. I took that as a yes.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why, what?" He looked at me suspicious.

"Why what, you made a man dig into our parents grave. That's not a little messed up to you?" My face scrunched up like a bad smell crossed my nose. I know he wasn't trying to act stupid. That couldn't be what he was seriously doing right now. He knew I seen it.

He shook his head pointing at me, "I didn't make anyone do anything-"

"Oh sorry, I forgot about you while you just stood there like a little bitch." I spat angrily. Was I wrong?

"You better chill out. I didn't see you making any grand gestures." Andre looked at me with an eyebrow raised. There was an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. Okay so what was I to do? I wasn't even supposed to be there in the first place, he wasn't going to turn this around on me. I watched how his frustration was bottled up and slowly the sadness took over, instead. "It isn't what you think, okay? I do certain things for money."

I sat there with my breathing techniques. Flashing back to the therapy session in pieces, being told over and over that I'm destroying myself. I took my time because I could feel myself getting worked up. The last time I allowed that to happen, I was kicked out of my therapist office. It just wasn't making sense to me. I knew I was calm enough to continue when I started putting things together in my head. I asked, "what do you do?"

"It's a measure of things. Some I'd rather not say." He replied. In the coldest facial expression he locked my eyes with his. "But it's bad, Michael."

"What are you?" I asked sternly. Say what you need to say, Michael. "Some follower, doing everything that one guy wants you to? What, are you too afraid to speak up?"

"Let's get something straight, I make my own decisions, I do what I want to do. Me and Chris have a deal, he took it easy on me years ago when you left. He's my only source of income at the moment and it's hard to walk away. I wanted to and I still want to. I just owe him more than I thought." Andre stared at the floor for the longest time, biting his nail in a back and forth swaying motion. I watched as he purposely avoided eye contact. At this moment I couldn't decide between calling his bullshit or feeling sorry for him.

"That was so spotty I'm surprised you kept a straight face." I said. I guess I knew which direction to lead in with right away. I refused to be told some story. That's why we're here. I'm tired of the lies, I thought that was clear enough.