Black

eleven: doubt & trust, truth & lie

e l e v e n

doubt and trust, truth and lie

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Dara slammed the cubicle door closed. She leaned on it weakly before finally sliding, sitting on the floor, crying so hard. She felt her tears on continuous flow, her shoulder shaking up and down and her chest constricting so tight. She wiped her tears away. What she said were harsh, almost cruel. She hurt him, she hurt him beyond what words could describe. What if he hated her? What if he believed her? But then, what she said was the truth, the pains she kept, the words which she chose to be left unsaid. She burst, exploded and her sharp debris plunged to him, cut him deep and left him to bleed.

It was true that he did that to them. He was the one who did that to them.

She was sorry. She was really sorry for her words. But she couldn't seem to feel sorry at the attraction she felt towards Jiyong. She never regret his kiss, the nights she spent with him. She couldn't deny how much she wanted him, how much her body begged for his touch, for his warmth. Whore, she was a whore. It's true, she loved Joongki, he was her boyfriend, her first love. But in Jiyong's seduction she was left in hopeless submission. A knock snatched her from her crumbling world. She quickly wiped her tears and tried fixing herself yet she was sure fire that she looked shit right now. "Young Lady," it was Chaerin. "Just a minute," her words hitched in her sobs. Fanning herself, she took deep breaths and pulled herself together. She must not let everything get to her nerves. Soon, this will be over, she will be back to Joongki's arms. And everything will be back to its rightful place. She will be with Joongki and Jiyong will be gone in her life.

He will be gone.

And by that time does she still want to? Will she be able to leave Jiyong? Her heart thundered with unknown emotions at the mere thought. No more kisses, no more arms to wrap around her... no more him and her. She felt as if her thoughts choked her.

"Young Lady, Mr. Kwon is calling you, please answer your phone," Dara quickly fumbled her bag for her newly bought phone because apparently she lost her old one. She was trembling upon reading his name flashing on the screen. Pressing the answer button, she brought the phone to her ears. "Sandara," relief washed her at his voice and she felt crying again. Her sobs came uncontrolled. "Hey, are you okay?" his tone was gentle making her long for his touch, his warmth. The comfort of his arms. "Jiyong..." she fell on the floor, hugging her knees."I'm afraid," her emotions were overwhelming, too overwhelming that she was saying things that she doesn't know she was saying. "Why?" There was this certain tone of breathlessness in him, he find it difficult hearing her so broken like this. He just wanted to hug her tight and kiss her. Steal her away from pain yet he fully knew that he was one of the cause of that pain.

"What if... Joongki was able to pay you..." She cried. She doesn't care anymore, what she was concern was losing him. "I'm afraid, will you give me back? Don't you want me by then?" she realized how childish she sounded the very moment but those were the only words she knew how to say, she wanted to ask. "Sandara, you are mine... no one is going to take you away from me... I will always want you, only you..." she sobbed more. "You won't give me right?" she hated herself. Why was she asking that foolish question? What was she really thinking in asking him all these questions? She wasn't supposed to say this because in the first place she should have been in Joongki's arm. The only thing she was supposed to think was to get back to him. "I won't. Never." He promised. His answers came with finality, an assurance that she will always be his.