Shin's Diary

Chapter 7: Shin's Confusions

“Where the hell have you been?” Carmen’s voice banged in her ears. “I’ve been waiting for you for ages to grab some lunch.”

Shin hates it when Carmen starts shouting in front of her. Well, Carmen’s voice was the opposite of Shin. It was ear-piercing and high. Shin can’t also manage Carmen for proclaiming and assuming herself as a good singer yet the truth she can’t hit the right notes. Carmen sings flatly and sharply while Shin sings perfectly smooth with a soulful deliverance of the song. There was a time that Shin can’t imagine why Carmen turned out to be her best friend. The first time they met, there was an instance competition between them. Shin rolled her eyes.

“Don’t do that, pretty face,” Carmen warned as Shin rolled her eyes again to Carmen again, which is her pleasure. “Don’t make me ask you twice.”

Shin wasn’t that threatened by those words but she hates it. The last time Carmen said those words, she discovered herself rolling on the floor because Carmen unstoppably tickling her. Carmen is insane, she is aware of that. “I was with Ian.”

Carmen’s eyes widened in disbelief. “No way! For what?”

“He gave me the spot I wanted to have for a very long time, you know. And we grabbed our lunch in a Chinese Restaurant that has a flirt waitress trying to pick him up,” Shin answered moodily.

“So, you’re jealous?” Carmen concluded.

“Of course not! Why will I?” Shin answered quickly. “He can freely hook her up, you know.”

“Which annoys you if he does,” Carmen said with a teasing stare.

“You---,” Shin snapped. “Don’t dare making me confuse!”

“Which you are… you are already confused, you know, it’s obvious… I’m just making you more confuse,” Carmen said. “Now, how about soccer boy?”

“Urgh!” Shin groaned and raised her both hands. “Okay, I don’t know. I am confused --- like freaking confuse. I like them both in a different way,” Shin finally admitted to Carmen --- and to herself. “Gab was charming and cute and the funny one, then honest. He makes me happy without taking efforts. On the other hand, Ian is manly and mysterious… his stares were alluring and inviting.”

“Sir Ian likes you, I can sense it.”

“Can you really sense all the guys liking me?” she asked.

“Yeah. Oh well, it is perfectly obvious. He’s taking too much attention to you. I guess I really have to stop fantasizing that we can be together someday,” Carmen said. “Everyone likes you especially Sir Ian.”

Shin gave herself a sigh of relief. Somehow, there was an enchantment feeling roaming all over her body. It was more puzzling than the maze challenge in Harry Potter. Actually, there was a gleam in her eyes.

“Don’t be stupid, Carmen. Gab will visit me again later in my house,” Shin excitedly said. Shin can see Carmen frowned for a while. “Why? What’s wrong again, Carmen?”

“It’s not like I’m intruding your love life or something… but I think Gab is the type of man who cannot be trusted. He’s hot but not a perfect catch for you. I know I’ve been really excited on how he said your name on ESPN but that was just an initial reaction,” Carmen revealed. “But maybe, I’m wrong. I may judge him falsely or what. I’m sorry.”

“I can’t believe you! I’m like the luckiest girl on planet when he did that. And I swear I love it when he’s around. I want to be locked in his world forever. The feeling is mutual,” she said.

Carmen tapped her head and raised both eyebrows. She definitely doesn’t like it. Shin knew of what she felt for Gab. She loves him. But how come she felt guilty when she’s thinking about Ian?

“Mutual but not so sensational?”

Shin didn’t tell a word, she couldn’t. she didn’t even know what kind of sensation does she has to feel when inlove. All she can feel is she wanted to be with him. She was speechless and Carmen was getting impatient. Carmen felt like hell now and she couldn’t take the silence because it’s making her sick. Deafening silence. Carmen immediately walked away without entertaining answers from Shin as Shin’s eyes were trailing behind Carmen.

It was a solitary night for Shin since she was all alone in her house again. Gab cancelled the night he’s going to her house and it disappoints her. She was remembering the first time Gab had chatted with her. It was instant love. All she knew is the burning aspiration she felt for him. Everytime he ends their chatting session, she doesn’t want to let him go yet. She can still memorize her headline: Don’t make me fall in love if you’re not ready to catch me yet. After she updated her headline, she sudden got a notification from him saying, Is that me? Are you really falling for me or somebody else?

Dear Diary,
I am so confused now. Can you help me? Well, I think Ian is pretty interested over me. I don’t really like he treats me. Yeah… he’s genuinely nice but there’s something missing. I don’t like him as much as I like Gab. If there’s something I felt about him, it would be lust. LUST. Pure Lust.
*Sorry, I’ve ran out of pink ink, you know… hehe… Back to the topic.
As for now, Gab is the one I care about. I am drooling over him. Yesterday night, he hugged me. Ooh, I forgot to tell you that, LOL… he’s so cute. Diary, if you’re a person, I am pretty sure you’ll love him. But is it right to fall for a guy I just met? It sounds eerie or something. You know, when he hugs me, I felt cold. Maybe the cold weather.
*My G-Tec-c4 has a small amount of ink now. I just have to take time with you before it’s gone.
I really appreciate the efforts. Just this lunch break, he sent me flowers but it’s a wrong timing because I was with Ian… and those were daisies. I am allergic… weirdly, Ian knows I was allergic of daisies. I wasn’t very open about everything to him, you know. Nearly slapped his face, good thing I controlled my whole anger. But you know, I saw an anger blazing within their eyes. Oh well, maybe I’m just imagining things.
I just got the supervisor spot thingy. That’s cool. I owe it to Ian. Carmen thinks he likes me and now, I’m starting to doubt it. But hello, I‘m not assuming that he does.
What is the difference between mutual and sensational? I’m too lazy to get the dictionary. Whatever the case, Gab is mutual (?) while Ian is sensational (?).
Gab makes me happy even without doing anything. Ian attracts me with his manly physique. I can’t explain any further.
Ian called me in my whole name, Rachelle Ann Go. I remember my brother, Fernias. I really have to visit him next Christmas. Probably, I’ll be spending the holiday with him and his family. They’ve got a baby named Quinn. She’s cute. She’s totally good-looking. It runs from the blood. LOL.
*I was completely out of the topic, which is cool. As least, I have so many ideas in mind. LOL. That’s it for today. Bayyyiiieeee!
XOXO,
Shin Go
PS: My G-Tec-c4 have no plans to be replaced. You know, even though I was writing too long right now, it won’t totally disappear. I’m totally and completely tired of seeing this almost empty pen but it won’t emptied itself. Urgh!