Meant for Me | ✔️

9) It's too deep

Saturday, 9th August.

A D D I E

I held my dress and shoes close to me in the front seat of Raine's cruiser and stared straight out of the windshield, listening to that conversation back, over and over again.

It wasn't just what was said that had me in knots either, it was what wasn't said. The feeling of wanting to be near him, to let him make me smile, to savor those chivalrous moments, that was all so selfish, wasn't it?

When was the right time to start living again. Because right now, choosing to live when Margo couldn't, would make me nauseous.

"I wouldn't have called that," Raine said after a terse few minutes of silence. I knew it wouldn't last. "Not at all. I'm blindsided. I honestly got the feeling, at brunch, that you thought my brother was an asshole. I am shocked."

"I did think that," I mumbled, feeling a bit mean for talking about him like that. And to his sister of all people. "I meant it when I said I hadn't seen him until yesterday."

She still looked disbelieving, so I told her the entire story starting with an aimless walk, to Lavender, to Zac, to the beer and the spare bedroom. The part that I did leave out was the nightmare. I didn't want to relive it right now, it would be back again soon enough.

"Oh," she smiled even though she sounded disappointed. "Well it's like some sort of fate then. You were meant to see each other again."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. So I said nothing and watched the rolling land whirring past, fast. The sun hadn't long gone up and it was harsh. Harsher than I'd ever felt it at six in the morning.

"Zac mentioned that he asked about the wedding planning," she said. "That he asked if you'd do it."

"Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry that I said no. It's nothing personal. I just. . . I don't know what I'm doing right now."

"I understand," she indicated right and slowed down at a light as we came into town. "I actually found this woman online and we have an appointment next week on the fifteenth. I don't suppose you'd come with me? Just get a sense of whether or not she's a decent planner and knows what she's talking about."

I laughed. "You don't even know if I'm a decent planner."

"Yeah I do. I googled you and a bunch of reviews came up underneath the website," she looked at me and then back to the road. "There were a lot of good things said about your sister too."

My chest felt tight and I struggled to swallow the lump in my throat. There were always good reviews and feedback about Margo.

"So. . . would that be alright," Raine said after a few minutes of dead quiet. "If you came to the appointment?"

"Yeah of course," I said. "If I'm still in town, I'll come for sure. We should swap numbers, just to keep in touch about it."

"That's perfect."

Raine stopped outside of the Sweet Lemon Inn on Church street, where I had been residing for just under a week. It looked like a regular home for the most part. It had the appearance of an early 1900s villa that had been restored. The weatherboards were a mint green, the trimmings and window frames were white.

It was quaint, cute and the host was friendlier than Raine. There was also a restaurant called the Sweet Lemon Kitchen that served a decent breakfast each morning. For the most part, I hung about in my suite but there were often other guests in the main living area. I'd braved the threat of being talked to one afternoon and went down to read from the bookshelf. That was a mistake, apparently having my face in a book was an invitation for the old man in room two to strike up conversation.