Meant for Me | ✔️

15) emerald

Sunday the 26th of August.

A D D I E

It'd been one week since Zac took me on a spontaneous date, which he claimed wasn't for my birthday but I know that it was.

He was subtle about making sure that I was celebrated. I appreciated that. He knew that I wasn't interested in going all out but I wasn't alone and that made a big difference.

Both of us had been swamped on the farm over the week. Well, him more so than me.

Several people, acquaintances, had brought their cars in at the end of the day which meant that he'd had a lot of late nights. So I'd occupied myself with horticultural studies in my spare time and I'd learned a lot about different flowers and plants. Horticulture was something that I'd wanted to study for a long time. A real correspondence course that could qualify me to work in that field. Unfortunately, there had never been a good time.

I'd planted some rosemallows, a gorgeous red flower with five soft petals, drooping with jagged edges and a fuzzy stem sprouting from the middle. They sat among a quarter of the flower bed with shoeblackplant flowers. Which were a similar red and shape with smoother edged petals.

They were all growing beautifully and fast because of the extra nutrients that I was giving them. Keith had obviously been watering them daily before I arrived, which was good, but feeding the soil gave it that something extra. He seemed to appreciate the effort.

He stepped out onto the back deck where we were gathered for Sunday brunch. A meal that I looked forward to all week. Not only was the food mouthwatering, but the people were fulfilling as well. Everyone together, at the table, smiling and sharing stories of their week. Something within me craved this sort of company. Needed it.

"Mornin," Keith looked jovial as he pulled out a seat and lowered himself into it. His thin wisps of dark grey hair were combed over and as usual, he was wearing a plaid shirt and big navy blue sweatpants. He sat opposite me on the same side of the table as Willa, Milo and Raine. The seat beside me was still vacant. I wasn't sure where Zac was.

"Willa honey," Keith said. "Look at your pretty hair. Who did that?"

Willa smiled and touched her dark brown French braids. "Raine did it. We were practicing ideas for the wedding."

"Very clever my Raine is."

I smiled when Keith winked at me and started dishing eggs onto his plate. For the last few mornings, I'd been the one to go down and collect the eggs from the coop instead of Blake. It was one less job for her to do.

Milo stretched his arms above his head and yawned before he slipped his shades onto his face. "So how's it all going out here, Addie? Missing home?"

I wasn't sure how much Milo knew about my situation. He knew that I'd lost Margo and come here on a whim but other than that, I wasn't sure. The only person that I'd shared with, in depth, how much I didn't want to go home, was Zac and he didn't strike me as the sort to share our conversations with anyone else.

"I love it here," I told him truthfully.

Raine peered over at me while she buttered her toast. "What do you love about it?"

I lowered my head and hid a grin. She had been fishing for information on Zac and I since she caught us on our spontaneous 'date' last weekend. It wasn't that I wanted to keep secrets from her or hide whatever this thing with Zac was, but that was just it, I had no idea what it was.

There were feelings there and when I was with him, it felt breathtaking, the sensation of being swept off my feet, butterflies and giggles. The whole ordeal. But when I was in bed, alone with thoughts and haunted dreams of a dead sister, I felt immense guilt and grief. Life couldn't stop when someone else's did. We had to keep moving, breathing, eating, being. But it felt wrong. I'd never been more conflicted. On one hand, I wanted to live for her and on the other hand I wanted to lie down, sink into the dirt and cease to be, just as she had.