Barely Breathing

Chapter Two

        I watch my breath escape my mouth and linger in the air. Seeing it only makes me colder. I bring my knees up to my chest and hug myself, trying to make my body as small and warm as possible. It's almost winter here. I knew it would be cold outside, especially at night, but there's nothing you can do to actually prepare yourself for it, especially not on short notice. Either way, it's cold and feels like frost all around. I can feel myself developing something of a cold and I know I should return to my house and to my family, but depending on a simple jacket for all my heat is good enough. Feeling frosty is killing off my hunger pains and urge to eat anyway, so I can put up with freezing fingers and toes. I stare at the tracks and listen to the cars on the street behind me. It's peaceful here, but also lonely and a little depressing.
From the corner of my eye, I see a flash of dark light - like fire. It's swirling around. It's dancing through the dark of night breaking out like a firework. With the thought, I realise that it is a firework. It's one of those fire wands, commonly called a sparkler. I watch it move in circles like a baton as whoever carries it walks closer to me. It's a beautiful, beautiful sight for sore eyes until I remember I'm a teenage girl alone in the middle of the night. I try to cover myself in the shadows, but that plan doesn't do too much good for me. The person walks directly to me, from up the hill to down the fence. Whoever it is screams when they catch sight of me and I end up doing the same. They aren't long, horror-movie screams. They're simply shocked, you-frightened-me screams. But still, we both scream for a second, then quickly settle back down. We end up panting, cursing and shouting quietly at one another.
"Who the hell are you?" The person yells. From the voice, I assume it's a girl.
"Who the hell are you?" I repeat in a slightly offended tone.
"I asked first."
We attempt to stare at each other through the black. It's a battle of intimidation and will, only neither of us are really winning. With a shrug, I decide to break it. "Forget about it. Care to sit? I could use some company."
She silently debates it for a moment, but with a nod, she settles onto the ground next to me. I watch as she places the sparkler down on some rocks that are clearly placed for that purpose. She throws a backpack down beside her. I listen as she opens in and pulls something out. She lights it up and starts to smoke. She hands it out to me, an offering, and I take it from her. We share the joint in silence. We sit there listening to passing cars and watching the tracks for a sign of life. Nothing occurs, but that seems to be just fine. After a few hits and passes later, we start up the small chit-chat. She asks me how it's going, I say life's shit, she agrees, I ask her why she's here, she says she's running from bullshit for a break, so on and so on. We fall in and out of the quiet still enjoying the peace.
"So why are you here?" She finally asks.
"My best friend just died. I needed away from the shit, you know?"
"Yeah, I feel that." From the corner of my eye, I see her look at me and smile. "I guess I'll stay here with you for a while. We can hate life together."
"That sounds as good a plan as any."
She reaches back into her bag and pulls out a clear bottle. She takes a swig before offering it to me. "What some? It's pretty good and it might help."
I take it from her and we spend the rest of the night drinking.

It's starting to drop below freezing now. It's another frosty day full of frigid air and snow. I'm still here sitting in front of a fence with a girl I don't even know. We keep up with the drinking and the smoking and the numbing of our bodies and our pain. Every once in a while, we'll leave to go to the nearest 7-11. We'll use the bathroom, then she'll pay or talk someone into buying something more for us to drink. The number of people here who don't give a fuck about legality surprises me. You'd figure that somebody, at least one person, would care even a little bit. But so far, in the past two weeks, we haven't been turned down yet. Someone buys us some liquor and we'll come right back here. Sometimes she'll buy some snacks for us. She thinks I eat while she sleeps. Really, I just go a bit up the sidewalk and pass them over to some homeless people. They could use the food more than me, anyway. I feel immortal.
The snow is more like sleet now and I'm listening to my company go on about something that happened with one of her friends. I'm trying to focus, but I keep spacing out. I'm brought back down when I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I fish it out, despite my better judgement. It's Wesley - the unusual boy hasn't left or given up on me yet. Anybody else would have, but he still continues to try. I answer it and pass the joint over. "Greetings."
"Raelyn, thank God! I thought you were dead."
"No, I'm very much alive. What's up?"
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You haven't responded to any of my messages. I wasn't even sure you were getting them."
"I'm sorry. I've been busy."
"Busy with what?"
"Nothing much, just hanging out. I made a new friend!"
"Oh, did you now?"
"Yep! She's here with me now, actually."
"That's great. Who is she? And where is 'here'?"
"The train tracks. Her name is, erm. . ." I look to her in questioning.
She picks it up in no time and answers without missing a beat, "Brooklyn."
"Brooklyn! Her name is Brooklyn!" I hold my other hand, my free one, out to her. "It's nice to meet you, Brooklyn! I'm Raelyn!"
Wesley waits for us to finish our introductions to continue. "Okay, Rae, I want you to stay there, okay? I'm coming to get you. Just stay there please."
"No, it's fine. Thank you, but I want to stay here. It's quiet and no one can get mad at me for drinking or smoking and all that."
"You aren't safe there, Rae. You know that."
"So maybe I just don't care. I have to go now, I'll talk to you later."
He starts to protest, but I hang up before he can. As sweet as he is to offer to get me, I don't think it would be good for us. He's seen me cry and fall apart before, but never like this. I've never withdrawn so far back that no one is even sure if I'm alive or drank so much that I never got hungover or even tired. I've never abandoned people like this. I sigh and take another swig from the bottle to drown the guilt.
"Hey, come with me." Brooklyn says unexpectedly. "We can go over to my house, take some showers, grab some shit, and go chill out with my friends. What do you think?"
I contemplate this carefully. On one hand, I do need a shower. I've gone months without one and going home isn't exactly an option right now. Then again, meeting up with people with alcohol after you've been drinking is rarely ever safe. I'm not that into being murdered. But, we'll be getting more drinks and hopefully somewhere warmer than zero or less degrees. At least if I do get killed, I'll be too out of it to really recognise it or the pain. Our bottle is almost empty, she's out of pot, and both of us are getting bored.
"I'm in," I finally answer with a smile. She smiles back to me and takes my hand. I allow her to lead me away from our haven into the unknown.