Barely Breathing

Chapter Five

Dear family,
I'm not sure how long it's been since I left home for the treatment center. I have a calendar, but I'm too good at counting days, it seems. I'm excited though because I get to leave tomorrow. They say that I'm all better. My weight is still pretty bad, but as long as I continue seeing my nutritionists and others doctors, they said that it's fine. They said that my brain just so happened to heal faster than my body. I'm not sure if I would prefer it to be this way or the other way around, honestly. But it's still alright. Either way, I'm getting better and I get to go home. I was originally going to surprise you by showing up at the house tomorrow, but Wes is going to pick me up and take me away on a week-long adeventure. I'm not sure where we're going, but it sounds like a roadtrip or a festival or something. I'm pretty excited, and I promise that I'll get back home as soon as we return. The doctors here are a little nervous about it because it'll be my first time actually leaving and being on my own. It's kind of funny. It's like they see me as a family member rather than a patient. They got me set up on this app thing that sends me regular, encouraging messages and lets me connect with my therapist and other doctors whenever I need to. My therapist is even going to call me every night at ten before he leaves his office to make sure I'm still going good. Isn't that nice?
Anyway, the doctors here have been really useful. They gave me a daily meal plan and a list of healthy coping skills whenever my illness tries to kick my ass again. They also gave me a list of phone numbers that I can call or text; like the NEDA hotline. Oh, that's the hotline for an eating disorder helpline or something. It stands for National Eating Disorders Association. They even have a website and everything. They actually gave me a whole paper dedicated to different websites I can check out to help with my recovery. My favourite so far is the Recovery Warriors website. It's so cool! There are blog posts, poems, a podcast, and even an app called Rise Up. Here's the whole list for you, in case you're interested:

National Eating Disorder Association at nationaleatingdisorders.org
The National Institute of Mental Health at nimh.nih.gov
Mental Health America at mentalhealthamerica.net
Eating Recovery Center at eatingrecoverycenter.com
The Emily Program at emily program.com
Burke at myburke.org
The Center For Eating Disorders At Sheppard Pratt at eatingdisorder.org
Recovery Warriors at recoverywarriors.com
Eating Disorder Hope at eatingdisorderhope.com
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders at anad.org

I've checked most of them out so far and they're all super cool so far. I love the amount of information and support I've gotten so far. I can't wait to get back home and see you guys again. The doctors told me that it might help my recovery stay strong and on the right track, which is exciting. I've heard of people with pretty bad family members who don't think they're really ill and treat it as some joke or something. It's really shitty. I've made so many friends here too. I didn't think that I would because of my social anxiety, but it is so much easier to relax when you're around people like you. I got a few of their phone numbers and I'm excited to come back and visit them or meet up with them outside.
I know that this isn't easy for you to understand and support me with. I understand that it's difficult for you to know what's playing in my mind. I'm going to try to reach out more and express myself better. Just show me your love and patience and I think it'll all be okay. This is a learning experience for me too. This is when I start meeting parts of me I lost contact with and start meeting parts I've never known before. I'm excited to enjoy life again. It's crazy. Anyway, I love you guys and I can't wait to see you again

Signed,
Raelyn Riker