Arcadia: Amorphous

Chapter 16 : Awkweird Answers

 Tell him no, tell him no, tell him no, tell him no.

It's easy, just tell him that you flattered, but not interested. You're 14, new school, and not looking for boy drama, despite the previous humiliating fact that you introduce yourself by telling him you're single. You're not interesting.. interested, shit!

You got this. Just stop pacing in front of the wall and go in.

Just go in.

I'm going in.

Right now, going in. Respectful but direct. You got this, just... Stop talking to yourself.

Before you lose the never, ha... Haha. I did it. I hit the switch. and now I just need to...

I closed my eyes tightly as I walked through the passage. I was in. I was here and I was in and it was far too late for me not to come because well, here I am.

Without opening my eyes, I began to speak. It also might have been kind of a dull shriek. "David, I'm sorry. I'm here, but that doesn't mean what you think it means I just had to tell you that personally I'm flattered, but I just can't do. I think you're an okay guy and all but there is no way, it is just not going to happen, I'm not ready for this kind of thing, and I think it would be great if this didn't make things weird because I'm always making things weird, and I just want to make friends. Not that we're friend, or that we're not friends, I'm honestly not sure where we stand I just think it would be better to stay as whatever we are until we know what we are, then maybe we could hang out casually or something. I'm probably talking too much and I think you should probably say something now because if you don't I'm going to keep rambling and say something stupid and make everything even more awkward than it already is because, well that's just kind of what I do. You know? I make things weird, and... I just want a chance to make things, not weird before everything starts, happening. I'm flattered, and I'm not saying never, just, no. Is that okay?"

The room was silent. I did it. I made things weird. I could almost feel his eyes staring at me. His confusion, and how he just didn't want anything to do with me anymore. It was all going to happen again, he'll tell his friends, then they'll tell their friends, and no one will want to talk to me. Even Sarah and Sydney will find new roommates, and leave me with a bunch of cats to live out the rest of my life as an old spinster with one of those beat up houses the all the neighborhood kid stay away from for fear of getting turned into toads, or food, or... Hay?

I had finally opened my eyes. The room was empty. I looked around for a moment but he wasn't here or was just running late. But I've been pacing in that hallway for almost an hour. I'm the one that was late. Did he, is he just not coming. Maybe he regretted sending the note or was just too nervous to show up.

Maybe I was off the hook. We could just never talk about it, let the whole letter thing just die. Sure It would be uncomfortable for a while, but nowhere near half as bad as if he was here and actually heard all of my verbal diarrhea. I was saved, off scot-free, liberated. I didn't have to make myself look like a freak in front of another person because David was not here...

"Oh hey, Shonta."

My body froze, and my mind. He came.

The voice behind me was unmistakably Davids.

I was screwed, all while trying not to be.

I was going to have to say it again. Work up the nerve to face him, turn him down, and not sound like a raving lunatic this time.

"David, I'm.." I stated.
"What are you doing here?" He asked. Now having walked around me to meet my face.

What did he mean what was I doing here, he's the one that invited me. Unless he didn't. Was it meant for someone else, some other girl? Was I jealous? No, I probably just like the idea of getting attention. Is that envy. What is the difference between them?