alive | ethma

18.

emma chamberlain

Three knocks on the door is what woke me from a bad dream. I haven't been sleeping well since my falling out with Ethan.

"Olivia! Can you get the door?"

Three more knocks sounded. Clearly she wasn't home, or she was ignoring me.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now," I mumble very unhappily as I try to pull on pants and walk at the same time. "Just a minute!"

I swung the door open, the first thing I saw was shaking and nervous hands, leading up at a face I knew all too well.

"Ethan?" I know my voice does little to hide the confusion and hurt I am feeling as it cracks, my eyes already filling with tears.

He didn't acknowledge it.

"Do you remember when you asked me what I hate most about myself?" He said in a low whisper.

I was confused why he was bringing that up, but I remembered. I always do.

"Yeah?" My voice questioned unsurely.

I remember everything when it comes to him.

My day had been busy and stressful, but Ethan always found a way to change that, and I knew tonight would be no different.

"Hey, Em, you ready?"

"Yeah let me lock up and I'll meet you outside."

After locking up and thinking about what a day it had been, I was surprised to find Ethan behind the wheel of a Jeep. "Where the fuck have you been hiding this thing?" I giggled.

"No time for questions, we have somewhere to be. Go ahead, buckle up."

"Yes sir." I saluted him jokingly.

He didn't have to repeat anything twice. He actually never did. I would do anything he asked.

We drove for around 15 minutes, me trying to figure out what he could be talking about the whole time. It was pitch black out, and we were listening to a surprisingly relaxing song. He eventually pulled up to an empty parking lot, and parked next to a path that lead to the woods.

"Ethan, what's this?" I ask while he gets in the backseat and takes out a bag.

"Just follow me."

Once again, he didn't have to repeat himself.

After walking for a few short minutes up a steep hill, my eyes opened wide with admiration.

We come out on a field of grass that has an amazing view of the city. Ethan pulled out a blanket from the bag, and spread it out.

"I can tell it's been a tough day for you, so I wanted to bring you somewhere you could relax." His cheeks burned bright red with shyness.

I almost said "I love you" right then and there.

We laid there for what seemed like hours, just enjoying each other's company and looking up at the stars.

"Ethan, what do you hate most about yourself?" I asked, and immediately regretted it.

Usually I would never ask such a thing, but like I've said, it wasn't a great day and my mind was in a different place than it usually was. We all have those days, and I think Ethan understood that. He was silent for a few moments before he replied.

"I'm not sure, honestly. I haven't really thought that much about it."

I knew he was lying, but I wasn't going to press for answers.

Now he was stood here with eyes burning into mine.

"You asked me what I hated about myself, and I lied and said that I didn't know, but I do. I just didn't want to admit it to myself, or admit it to you."

He took a deep breath before replying, running his hand through his hair. I could tell he was nervous, and that's the only reason I hadn't slammed the door in his face yet.

"The thing I hate most about my self is how I run from the people I love."

[s/o kelsie for this chapter an angel truly]