alive | ethma

20.

ethan dolan

I woke to the sound of obnoxious knocking on my bedroom door.

"Fuck off, Grayson," I yelled out with a slight rasp.

The noise surprisingly stopped.

I pulled my bed sheets back up to my chest and started to close my eyes once again, when I could hear the doorknob jingling.

The door flung open, and there stood Grayson with a smug look on his face. He was holding a bobby pin.

I groaned, "Did you just pick my fucking lock?"

His smile widened like a little kid's.

I grabbed the nearest pillow and chucked it at his head.

"You haven't gone to class all week-" Grayson started.

"I don't wanna hear it," I interrupted.

Grayson's hands shot up in innocence.

"All I'm suggesting is you stop moping around with your broken heart and go to class." He shrugged his shoulders, like what he suggested was so easy.

My eyes narrowed at him. If only I had the energy to wipe that look off his face.

Grayson must've caught on, because he let out a loud sigh, "Look, E, I know how much you care about Emma-"

"It isn't just caring about her, Gray," I took a deep breath.

"I love her," my frail voice interrupted softly. When he didn't reply, I continued.

"I love the way her presence makes every nerve in my body feel like it's on fire. I love the quiet nothings she whispers when she knows i'm overthinking. I never expected someone like her to come into my life, and now I never want her to leave. I've ruined it all." I pushed my hands through my messy hair with frustration.

The next few moments are silent. The only sound filling the room is Grayson taking deep, slow breaths behind me.

Then he started laughing. Fucking laughing.

"Well then just tell her that," Grayson scrunched his eyebrows together like this was all so confusing to him.

That the situation should just be that simple.

And it should be, but it isn't.

Her words kept ringing in the back of my head, "you're not ready for me."

I sighed. "I did tell her that, she told me I wasn't ready for her."

Grayson's eyebrows remained scrunched. "What the hell does that mean?"

—

emma chamberlain

"So I told him he wasn't ready for me," my voice surprisingly didn't betray me while I filled in Olivia about my Ethan situation.

Her head turned sideways, trying to understand, "What the hell does that mean?"

I giggled at her.

"It means he has to learn how to deal with his emotions and not misdirect them towards me." I licked my finger clean of the chocolate dessert we were eating, as if I wasn't affected by all of this.

Which was far from the truth.

Every fiber of my being willed Ethan to show up and whisk me away.

My face softened the more I thought about it.

My voice went quiet, "it means I have to know next time he won't push me away again."

Olivia's lips slowly formed into a small frown when she sensed the pain in my voice.

If Ethan wanted me back, I had to know he wouldn't leave again.

Because I truly don't think my heart would survive a second time.

[I know it's been a while and i'm sorry this is a filler chapter but I promise i'm finishing this book]