alive | ethma

14.

emma chamberlain

With tears threatening to spill from my eyes, I knocked on Ethan's apartment door.

The door swung open. His first facial expression was one of surprise, which then turned to one of pain when he saw me crying.

"Emma," he whispered. His hand reached out to cup the side of my face, while wiping away my tears with his thumb.

As I looked at him, his eyes went wide in fear.

"Is this because of me? Emma, I'm so sorry for my mood swings the other night, you didn't deserve that. I just get so jealous of Grayson and I'm so scared he'll steal you away from me. But, still that wasn't right-"

His nervous rambling brought more tears to me eyes. But, this time they were happy tears. Before he could get any further with his rant I cut him off.

"Kiss me."

I had barely gotten the words out of my mouth before his lips were attacking mine.

I knew this was where I belonged. In Ethan's arms, him caressing my face while kissing me like it could possibly be the last time.

Ethan pulled away and let his eyes flutter open.

"Why don't you come in," he stepped away from the door, allowing me to enter. He led me to his bedroom.

I immediately started to fidget with my fingers while I laid on his bed.

He stared at me like he was waiting for me to talk.

"Do you remember that blonde guy at the party on Saturday?" I asked in a soft voice, hoping he wouldn't have another mood swing by bringing it up.

"The guy that could've date raped you, yeah I fucking remember him." His eyes rolled so far back, I thought they would get stuck in his head.

I felt even more uncomfortable. This wasn't a conversation I wanted to be having right now.

"He um, showed up at the library today. His name's Connor."

Ethan's whole body tensed as he scooted away from me. I felt a sudden coldness.

"What the fuck was he doing there?" Ethan balled his hands into a fist.

"He said he had been looking for me."

No response. So I continued.

"Then, he took me to the cafe down the street. I didn't feel right there, so I tried to leave," I paused.

"Emma, what did he do?" I could feel Ethan's body heat radiating from a few feet away.

"Well, he kissed me. BUT I pulled away, well I tried to."

"What do you mean you tried to?" I wanted to end the story right then and there. I didn't know what Ethan would do if I continued, but I did.

"He wouldn't let me go," I tried to hide my bruised wrists behind my back, but it was too late. Ethan already saw them.

As I looked up at Ethan, I was met with someone I didn't recognize.

I started to question if this was actually where I belonged.

Ethan stood up from his bed and started to pace back and forth.

Tears started flowing again. "Ethan, please just talk to me," I attempted to gently grab his wrist to get him to sit back down. He flung his arm away from me, like the thought of me touching him disgusted him.

"You just don't get it do you, Emma!" Ethan screamed while tugging at his hair with his fingers. "You're so fucking naive it's beyond frustrating!"

Naive.

I hated when people called me naive. He knew that.

I felt my body start to shut down and give out on me.

But, it then fired up again with a rage I didn't know I had in me. It was almost like it had been building up this whole time.

"Oh fuck you, Ethan!" I got in his face. "I'm not the one at fault here."

He scoffed in my face.

"No you know what," I shook my head side to side. "You're the one who doesn't get it, I'm sorry that you like to live this guarded life where you can't enjoy anything it has to offer!"

I guess all our issues were coming to light now.

I never usually got mad. But, in this moment, I was waiting for the steam to come out my ears, as cliche as it sounds.

He pulled his fingers out of his hair, and put them down by his side.

"No. You don't get to turn this on me, Emma. You can't call what you do just enjoying life, you're optimistic to a fault. You trust too much. Come on, you could've gotten drugged last weekend! Or you could've gotten seriously hurt back at the cafe! I mean look how we even met! I could've been a serial killer for fucks sake!"

I could see his eyes narrowing at me, his pupils were dilated.

Yet I somehow still wasn't afraid of him.

"Well, I didn't get drugged, I didn't get hurt, and you turned out to not be a serial killer," I stated confidently, while crossing my arms across my chest. "I know what I'm fucking doing."

Ethan snapped. He angrily grabbed my wrists and shoved them in my eyesight. "Look at your bruised fucking wrists Emma!"

He took another step into me, he was so close I could smell his cologne. "You may think you're invincible but not everyone's going to react so kindly to your naivety. You're going to get seriously hurt one day. No more just close calls and bruises wrists." He said smugly. "And I'm not gonna be there to save you."

I took another step into him. We were about a couple inches away from each other at this point. "I don't need you to save me. I don't need you at all."

Ethan's face immediately softened for a second. But only a second.

We were both breathing heavily from raising our voices.

"You're a fucking child." Ethan spoke with a bite behind each word. "You see everything through the lens of a child. I can't be with a child."

His roaming hands seemed to not be listening to his words, because I could feel his grasp winding around my waist, pulling me closer into his front.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was leaning into his familiar and magnetic touch.

"Fuck you." I said with nothing but resentment in my voice.

"We don't work," he uttered with the same animosity. "We're complete opposites."

Our lips then collided in a fury into the most heated kiss I've only heard about in books.