You Saved Me Once

Its All My Fault

A couple of weeks passed, spring break was coming up. It gets bad for the Richards and Bartley's around this time. Not that I will be seeing the Bartley's any time soon.

After the restaurant date, everyone was distant. Rochelle wasn't responding to my texts. Hayes was MIA, all around. Jeff was still sick.

I now stay cooped in my room, avoiding too much. The weather put me in another state, it felt like it encouraged me to feel blue, grey, mute, and sad.

The lies, secrets, and memories flood my mind so much, I feel too guilty to even go downstairs. I know that if I do, I'll see her bedroom. I know it'll make me cry.

I just got out of the shower, water from my hair drips on my toes. I stand in the upstairs hallway, wrapped in a towel.

"Jake bring me the ice cream!" I shout.

One of the only reasons I come out of my room.

"We're out. You ate it all, pig." I can hear his laugh from the kitchen. At least he was happier than me.

I go back into my room. I drop my towel and see the habit start to consume me, again.

Ice cream helped, all I needed was ice cream.

I brush my wet hair, put on sweat pants, and an oversized hoodie to keep me warm.

I tug my hair behind my head to stop the water from dripping onto my pants. The water soaks my grey hoodie.

I tip toe downstairs for the first time in a while. My bare feet touch the cold tiles, when I reach the kitchen. They send chills down my spine.

Jake's there in the kitchen, he's dressed enough for me to know, that he was going out tonight.

I open the freezer and see we're all out of ice cream.

"I told you." He smiles.

"I hate you." I say.

I look at her bedroom in the corner of the room, next to the kitchen, closest to the laundry room.

"Aren't you going to that party with Rochelle today? Why are you trying to binge on ice cream?" He asks.

He was worried, even though he laughs at his own joke.

"I'm sick." I say.

"That was last week." He says.

"Rochelle didn't invite me anyways." I say.

I'm too sad for Jake right now. I can't be sad around Jake.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"To the party." He says.

"Can you take me." I ask.

I needed more ice cream.

"No, I'm not taking you to the store to go get ice cream. I'll get you some real food, though." He says.

"Or you can just wait for the pizza I ordered for you to come." Jake smiles at me.

"Look at you, being a brother for once." I joke.

His laugh makes me feel better.

I wanted him to stay, I wanted to talk to him about mom. I wanted to tell him the secret I kept from him, the secret that was eating me alive. The secret about him.

"I'm heading out, okay?" He says.

"Jake. Are you taking them?" I ask.

His smile shrinks. My words hurt him, I could tell.

"Alcohol does the job." He jokes. I don't laugh.

"Jake. I'm serious." I say.

"Come on, Alex. You know you can't drink and take them. That's like, suicide." He says. I tense at his words.

"Be careful, okay?" I say to him.

"You too." He says.

"I love you." I say.

"I'm not saying that." He laughs.

I smile at his comment.