You Saved Me Once

I'm Crying

Before we leave, I run over to Hayes's house to talk to Rochelle. Curiosity was going to eat me alive, if I didn't know the truth.

I haven't been inside Hayes's house, in years. I'm too afraid my secrets and lies will consume me.

I'm afraid I'll see Ms. Kristen, I'm afraid of what she'll say. I almost backed down entirely.

Hayes waits in the car.

I look at the ground mostly, I avoid pictures, things from the past as I walk through the house. I didn't want to interact with the sad memories of Timmy, Hayes, truthfully all of the Bartley's.

Right next to Hayes's room, is Timmy's room. Timmy's door is closed.

This hurt more than I'd expected. I want to turn back around and leave, right now. I can't stop staring at Timmy's door. My hands are shaking now, I'm trying to comfort myself.

Memories are coming back; a lot was coming back.

I hear Rochelle groaning in Hayes's room, this is enough to wake me from my memories. I walk into his room and close the door behind me.

The same blue he had since he was a boy, paint his walls. The plain desk that sit in the corner of the room, and the astrology décor that decorates his desk.

They were all in the exact same spot.

Then there's Rochelle. She's stretched out on his bed, asleep. Now she's half asleep.

"Alex is that you?" She mumbles.

I walk over to the bed and stand next to her.

"Hey Rochelle, how are you feeling?" I ask.

"Worse then you, that's for sure." She laughs, I smile to hide the fear I felt.

Everything in this house was starting to affect me.

"Rochelle, I need to ask you something." I say.

I hug myself and squeeze my jacket sleeves. Rochelle's face is still buried in the blankets.

"Is it about last night?" Rochelle yawns.

I felt very uncomfortable for many reasons. I needed to leave.

"I think I had sex, last night." I say.

Rochelle laughs. I squeeze my jacket sleeve more.

"Great for you Al, how was it?" She asks.

My stomach drops. I sit down on the floor next to the bed.

"I can't remember it, Rochelle." I mumble. I'm embarrassed by my words.

"If you can't remember it Alex, and you feel okay. Well, you didn't have sex." She turns to me.

"You'd know if you'd had sex for the first time." She says.

Rochelle goes back to hugging Hayes's covers. I hug my stomach, and bite down on my lip. It felt like, if I looked at anything in the room for too long, it would crumble.

"So, you don't know what happened either?" I ask.

"Maybe you fooled around with Jeff, or the DJ." She says. I look away.

"Look, I'm sure we all did stupid stuff last night. It's totally fine Alex." Rochelle's says.

"It's not "totally fine", Rochelle. This stuff matters to me." I say.

I look at the ground. I trace a T on the wood floor. I felt a secret coming out.

"Can we talk when I'm sober. I just don't feel up for talking. I'm sorry if I'm being, a shitty friend right now." She mumbles again.