Once Dan had figured out I wouldn't pack up and leave in the middle of the night, I basically became his cuddle buddy past 11pm and whenever he need it.
Each time he fell asleep first, leaving me to wonder what I did right that put me in this position where I had the one person that couldn't reciprocate those feelings. I was the luckiest guy alive yet somehow the unluckiest, but the pros outweighed the cons and I convinced myself I was the luckiest each time his fingers twisted into my shirt and arms draped around my neck.
"We should take those pictures of them. One of those old Polaroid cameras so they look fancy and retro." PJ nodded approvingly, elbowing Cat to catch a glimpse of Dan half asleep on my chest. His arms were wrapped around my chest, the even breaths slipping from his lips and keeping in perfect rhythm with mine.
I wondered if this whole setup was temporary, and if Dan would label me as another one of the 56 but wouldn't count me as number 57 so I'd float in memory limbo, where I'd stay until he made a decision as to where I would fit in. Maybe he'd feel bad that he couldn't give me his last paper heart and try to push me away. I'd prefer the first option.
"Do you think Costco carries them?" Cat asked and PJ shrugged. "Well, I'm going to check because there's nothing better to do and I don't feel like finishing Physics homework at the moment. So be right back, and Phil don't you dare move."
"Okay, mum," I called after her and her laugh echoed through Dan's semi-apartment even after she had left.
"When did you get here?" PJ asked, peering into the kitchen sink and frowning.
"Little over an hour ago. He was knocked out by the time I'd gotten his text." I responded. The only reason my homework in Zoology wasn't finished was because Dan had sent me a text saying he didn't want to be alone, so I dropped everything and walked down to his place where he was curled up in a ball on the couch and covered with 3 huge blankets.
"Did you check the sink, because..." PJ held up 4 empty bottles from the kitchen, lowering them back down once I realised what they were, and they clicked loudly against other ones. "Holy shit, there are like 7 of these here. I could've sworn he was steering away from old habits."
"What do you mean old habits?!" I felt my cheeks warm up in anger and Dan huffed a quick breath from his nose and rubbed the side of his face against my shirt like a cat would.
PJ threw up his hands in exasperation, dropping a hand on his hip and hiding his face in the other.
"I should've told you earlier, man I'm so sorry I forgot about it. Remember how I told you after 23 he kinda broke like an old wind-up toy? Yeah, last year he discovered alcohol made him forget, and a drinking problem became a thing. We'd convinced him to slow down with the drinks and he tried to take it easy for a while but I guess not."
"It's never too early to try 'n forget"
I'd always felt like it would be a problem, because it always did after a heartbreak but I never thought (or hoped) it was a dilemma with Dan. I'd never dealt with it nor had any experience with it other than trying to find the correct amount of Advil to help cure headaches the next morning. The only way I'd even know a thing about it was from TV and even then I still didn't completely understand why someone would willingly do such an awful thing to themselves.
"If it's been over an hour then he's hopefully not going to die," PJ tried to reassure me but ended up sounding like he was trying to comfort himself more than anything "and when Cat gets back we can call up Chris or something. He's good with this type of stuff."
Dan's breaths just kept growing deeper and deeper and I could've sworn at some point he'd been taking in oxygen for a solid 10 seconds. PJ struggled to search for any other glass bottles in the recycling bin or garbage can or any other places he could've hidden them without anyone noticing.
"Shouldn't the head of the school have a problem with this?" PJ shrugged at my question, quickly dismissing it, and pulled out an empty 6 pack from behind a bag of broccoli in one of the cabinets.
"Fucker thinks he's sly. Jokes on him though, because he's in a slightly drunken haze 24/7 and can't remember where he puts things." He found another 3 behind some expired edamame beans, and about 10 drained ones hidden from view by a huge stack of pasta.
I couldn't remember a time where I was more disappointed or angry because I was fuming even though there was nothing I could do about it.
The door swung open and Cat bounded in, picking at the tabs on the cardboard box depicting a mint blue Polaroid camera on the sides. The smile across her face twisted into a shocked 'O' as she caught sight of the bottles PJ was still piling up on the countertops.
I guess the alcohol had either started to wake him up or begin the slow process of killing him from the inside, because Dan started to curse nonstop under his breath and claw at my chest.
PJ and Cat were arguing and shouting into their phone for Chris to come quick because he'd done it again and it was worse than last time.
"How many?"
"Like, a lot!"
"Wow, that's like a lot more than last time-"
"Oh my god, Chris just get over here!" Cat yelled into PJ's phone and anxiously ended the call.
I felt awful because 1. I couldn't do anything even though 2. I was expected to and 3. I had no concept of the effects of multiple bottles of alcohol but 4. PJ and Cat thought I did which 5. I didn't.
Chris arrived and started checking out nearly everything a doctor would, and I was informed he was studying in the medical field. I assumed he'd gotten much more practise than he should've, being friends with Dan.
"Y'all are overreacting. He's had like 2 drinks over the past hour." Chris laughed ironically, which did not fit the severity of the situation, and stood up, removing his two fingers from around Dan's wrist where his pulse was strongest. He's shown me how to do it, just in case I ever needed to use it. "He's just getting a little weird from lack of sleep and dehydration."
"So he's just been hiding everything from us," PJ sighed "just great. How did he even get this many? Isn't his car broken? He's like drunk all the time how does he even sneak all these behind our backs?"
"I'll admit, he did a pretty good job at it too. None of us had any idea." Chris added with a hint of disappointment in his voice. Cat reached for the unopened Polaroid camera box and pulled out the mint blue device, following the instructions as to how to load one of the undeveloped prints.
"To end the moment on a slightly happier occasion that he didn't attempt to drink himself to death once again." She explained before PJ could open his mouth to question it. She trained the camera lens on me and Dan, who turned at almost the last second so he faced my chest and his legs were pressed against the neon green taped armrest. The flash went off and the black photo slid out of the slot at the bottom, PJ snatching it and waving it above her head just out of Cat's reach. As soon as the shorter one was able to grab it back the picture had fully developed. They showed it to me from across the room, and even though I couldn't see it too well, judging from their smiles, it was a good picture.
"1 down, hopefully many more to go."
YOU ARE READING
Paper Hearts (Phan)
Fanfiction-NOT MINE- All credit goes to the original author, imaginary-numbers This is just a rewrite of the original story about a different ship so all I changed was (most of) the characters and the American to British stuff. I rewrote this for my best fri...
