Paper Hearts (Phan)

149 days

By the time I'd convinced Dan to walk home with me, it was far past midnight, nearing 1 am. The cars racing carelessly down the boulevard showed no sign of slowing down as the night dragged on for what seemed like eternity.

I lied. We weren't even walking and I'd failed to convince him. I was sprinting and Dan was kicking his knees furiously against my chest and slapping my back with his usable hand as hard as he could until I agreed to put him down, which I refused to do. I'll admit, carrying him over my shoulder down a busy street wasn't the brightest idea, especially when we were only halfway back to Seacoast.

To the bystanders we passed by, the situation must've looked absolutely insane; a weirdly tall kid weaving in and out of crowds with his arms wrapped tightly around another boy's waist, who was slung over his shoulder while he screamed "put me down you asshole!" and a colourful variety of other curse words at the top of his lungs.

So yeah, I kinda felt bad for all the little kids just beginning to doze off in their parents arms that had to listen to him.

After running the length of a couple more buildings, he stopped yelling and fighting, going limp but still propping himself up with his elbows on my shoulder. I slowed to a walk and almost released my grip around his waist, resting one arm on the slight bend of his calves to keep him balanced.

"Can you put me down?" He asked, raising his voice slightly over the roar of an oncoming taxi.

"Will you tell me what happened back there?" Mentioning his meltdown in the alleyway was a touchy subject, I knew that, but I was genuinely curious as to why he put up such a fight against someone that had left. Sure I didn't understand heartbreak, but I still wanted to know.

"I don't like to talk about it." He snapped angrily, ignoring my offer.

For once, I remembered PJ had told me that he despised bringing up his 56 past lovers, but at this point he'd just gone berserk on some helpless boxes and I wanted answers. They deserved justice.

"If you tell me what 23 did, I'll let you walk by yourself."

He smacked the back of my head with his cast and refused to say anything about the topic.

"I'll tell you when I'm dead." He told me in between seething breaths, dismissing everything I tried to coax out of him with a growl and another knee to the chest.

__________

PJ and Cat had both passed out on Dan's couch like we had left them; sitting on opposite ends with their feet pressed together. I hoped they had worked everything out, whether they decided to become the couple I thought they were, or just to stay friends.

"Great, we're back home, now put me down." Dan huffed, hitting my back with his elbow again like he had the entire way up the 2 staircases. I'd never noticed how difficult it was to carry him up the stairs instead of down, and I made a mental note to never do it again unless it was absolutely necessary, which I sincerely hoped would never have to happen.

I dropped him on his back onto his bed, which was still covered with the festive Halloween blanket he'd gotten for a bargain at the holiday store, coincidentally only open during this time of the year. If only they had a Thanksgiving store.

"Cuddle bunny is denied access to my bed tonight," he muttered through clenched teeth, still grumpy over the whole ordeal "you can sleep on the floor."

I was lucky he had an abundance of fluffy blankets stacked haphazardly in the corner, because I figured out if you piled a couple of them onto the tattered grey Papasan chair at the foot of his bed, it automatically turned into a really warm knock off sleep train mattress, minus the fancy remote that shifted it upwards into a specific angle and supposedly stopped snoring. By the time I had settled in and pulled the softest blanket available over myself, Dan was passed out again. I could have crawled into his bed with him, but I didn't want to risk him suddenly waking up and getting more pissed at me than he already was. I made another metal note to try and make it up to him tomorrow, and another note to ask PJ and Cat (maybe Chris if I got desperate for some answers) what had happened to him to make him act like that.

It turns out shitty makeshift beds allude to some really weird memories popping out of nowhere. I took down another mental note to never ever do something like this again.

I remember when I went to the beach and went surfing. When I stood up for about the 10th or so time, I got knocked over by a huge gang of dolphins jumping out of the waves. Not a normal wave like everyone else, but a bunch of dolphins. It turned out they were closer to shore than they should've been, which never happened very often, but it kept me out of the water for the rest of the day.

I remembered when I was in my final hellish year of middle school; I had an upperclassman neighbour in their junior year of high school. They were literally the coolest person in my mind, and I couldn't provide an explanation as to why even if my life depended on it. And one day, they skipped town and nobody ever heard from them again. 'It was just another breakup' the parents told anyone and everyone that would listen 'young and naive, and will definitely be back sooner or later'. But they never came back.

Honestly, I wasn't sure what I would do if Dan left like they had. I hadn't been as close to the junior as I am to Dan, nor was I their designated cuddle buddy. Somehow losing him was unimaginable; it sounded like a living nightmare. I wonder if he knew how many people would feel empty without him. I really hope he does. I wouldn't want to lose him anytime soon. I don't think I would be able to handle it.

You won't lose him, I told myself, he's not going anywhere.

I hope I was right.