Paper Hearts (Phan)

19 days

"Joe pulled me out of class today," PJ said and tossed his backpack carelessly across the room so it hit the wall with a disappointing thud "he wanted to know if we set off the firecrackers and sent out the suspension letters."

"Did you tell him?"

"I may be a bitch, but I'm not a snitch." He shrugged and contemplated his words for a second before saying "I'm gonna make that my senior quote."

"Yours should be 'instead of drinking bleach, I'll dye my hair with it'. I'll pay you to do it." Chris called from the kitchen. He was working on another project for his anatomy class, this time a 3-D diagram of the lungs, and had specifically not enlisted the aid of PJ and Cat, and I'm pretty sure he was so paranoid that this model would get end up like the rest that he didn't bother to ask anyone for help.

"Have you guys heard from Dan lately?" PJ said. Nobody had seen him for over a week; he hadn't even attended classes, and I hadn't bothered to tell them about seeing him at the bridge that one night. And we didn't dare step foot in his room unless we thought he was in danger or if we were invited in, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't dead because every now and then I heard his voice echo through the walls full of the tone that only meant he wanted to be left alone.

"Should we check on him?"

"Should we?" I asked and PJ glared at me and Chris.

"Do you think we should wait for Cat then or nah?" He bit his cheek and crossed his arms. We decided on nah, because it seemed like a pain to gather up 4 people in an allotted amount of time. There was always a problem even meeting up after classes and getting together at the jacuzzi at least one night a week, and gathering up Cat too would be another problem. Not that she was a problem. Y'know what I mean.

And we headed over down the hall and PJ was the one to knock on the door because we were terrified Dan was going to sucker punch whoever was standing right in front of him like he had once. One time was enough to teach the lesson, though.

"Yo, Dan. You in here?"

Silence.

And the crickets weren't chirping outside and all I could think was that he was dead and that's why we hadn't heard from him for so long. And it was all my fault because I was probably the last person he talked to and I could've saved him if he was dead.

After a minute or so of no answer, PJ resorted to the idea slamming his side into the door like he could break it down to splinters and race in like a superhero. But it didn't happen that way, and the first and only time he tried to break it down, he bounced off like a ball and hit the floor with a really loud thump.

Chris laughed until he started wheezing, and picked the lock.

He used some hairpin stashed in his pocket, and I definitely wasn't about to question why he had it. It's best not to ask. Sometimes.

The door swung open and creaked on the hinges, which were in desperate need of fixing, and there he was. Covered by at least 5 really thick blankets in the middle of the floor, surrounded by pizza boxes and dozens of half empty water bottles. It looked like he was a bear huddled in a cave for hibernation.

"Ah, it is the hibernation." PJ sighed, confirming my thoughts about Dan looking like a bear "happens every year. I think it's the stress. The last midterm is always the worst for him."

The vibe in the air was all weird, like spiders crawling up your back or seaweed wrapping around your legs even though there isn't any around, and apparently whatever he was doing on the floor was considered normal. Maybe he was cocooning like a caterpillar so he becomes a butterfly.

Or a moth. Do pre-moth bugs make cocoons? I would've learned about this in zoology if the teacher wasn't so lazy. In other news, our thesis due date got pushed back until the end of April, which was stupid. But it gave me an excuse to not do it, so I couldn't really complain.

"Hey, Dan? Do you need anything?" Chris pressed his lips together and we waited in silence for a second before Dan yelled back in between choked up sobs, "cuddle buddy" and PJ shoved me forwards and Chris slammed the door shut behind them before I could protest. Wow, I thought, I have such great friends.

As soon as their footsteps stopped echoing through the hall, a corner of the blankets lifted up like an entrance way to a castle and I crawled through, and immediately bumped noses with Dan. He smiled through the puffy redness around his eyes and said, "I'm glad you decided to stay."

I stared at him for a second that felt more like an eternity, my eyes tracing over his baggy shirt and the ripped jeans, the really messy fluff of his hair and the deep pink color of his cheeks. And this definitely wasn't how I remembered him at the beginning of the school year. When I first met him, he was still shits and giggles, teasing everyone and being open to literally asking me to sleep with him (without doing anything crazy). He still attended classes instead of hibernated, and the tank tops he wore had been replaced by the shirts he'd been wearing. I really hoped this was almost temporary because this isn't who I'd started to fall for.

"I'm glad I did too."

And I really was, because he nudged himself under my arm and close to my chest, and I thought how in the world did l get here?

We sat there on the floor until my watch beeped like 10 times and said it was 9:00pm. Dan caught a glimpse of the time and wriggled out from my grip, crawling out of the blanket cave and pulling me out to follow him.

"You gotta finish your homework, yeah?" He asked, turned away to face the kitchen and away from me.

"I don't have too much. I can stay-"

"Go do your work," he pushed, spinning around to face me and pout. And the red around his eyes was darker and his cheeks more pink and I felt obliged to do whatever he wanted because something was terribly wrong and if he didn't want me to know about it, then fine. I won't butt in.

So I whispered a goodbye and he did too and I told him to take care of himself, maybe come to class soon, and he told me that he promised he will. I believed him for once, and went back to 321.

Upon arrival, PJ and Chris were still there along with Cat, who was going over some stuff with Chris at the kitchen table. They all stared at me when I closed the door behind me and I felt like I was about to melt under the heat.

"What happened?"

"What do you think the title of 'cuddle buddy' implies?"

Chris slammed his hands on the table and leaned forward to glare at PJ on one of the broken lawn chairs to yell "I TOLD YOU" to which PJ responded with sticking his tongue out in a creepy face that would be engraved on a medieval painting and hung up in the Louvre in France.

"Okay, but really. Did he say anything?"

"Like a minute ago when he told me to go home and finish my homework."

"Did anything happen," PJ pressed on again "like anything? Not even relationship wise, just anything?"

I sighed and gestured widely with my arms to express my point "he opened the blanket cave entrance, I crawled in, and he almost fell asleep on me. Then he saw the time when my watch beeped, got up, and told me I should finish my work. That's it. I'm not bullshitting you guys!"

Cat shrugged and focused back to holding up the left lung of Chris' model so it wouldn't cave on itself, and PJ returned to watching golf tournament reruns on TV.

And I relaxed back on to the couch and watched the show I didn't understand while Chris yelled from the kitchen "holy fuck, they both collapsed in on themselves!"