When I woke up a few hours later, he wasn't there. Although, the sheets were still warm so he hadn't left too long ago. But gone is gone and he was nowhere to be found.
And I kinda wish I hadn't gone to look for him, because as soon as I stepped foot in the living room, the front door swung open and there he was. Bundled up in a huge black coat and his stupid ripped jeans, red tinging his cheeks so darkly you would've guessed they were painted on if the skin showing wasn't the colour of snow from the cold winds outside. I think the only reason he wasn't crying was because if he did, the tears would freeze solid right then and there.
"I need to break something." He told me between sputtering sobs, and glanced around the room for a minute before an idea gleamed across his eyes.
Dan left the room and returned a minute later; carrying the spray paint cans and the humongous jars of normal paint we'd bought the other day. He had black gloves fitted over his hands and a keyring packed with keys dangling off the slope of his wrist.
"I'm going to break something."
__________
I followed him up the flight of stairs above our floor, slipping on the pair of fingerless gloves he'd passed me that must've been from elementary school because absolutely nobody wore that style anymore.
"Now this," he said finally and stopped in front of room 294 "is Tanya and Abigail's dorm." Immediately, the familiar scent of a candy shop flooded my senses; with a smell like this, I assumed there was no way Tanya and Abigail could've done anything wrong.
"What did they ever do to you?"
"One of them, and I haven't figured out who yet, spread around a rumour that eventually caused #49 to dump me."
"What about the one that didn't?"
"Then they're incredibly attractive and in my mind, that's a perfectly plausible reason to have a personal vendetta against them." He sighed and knelt down, slipping a thin hair pin into the lock on the doorknob.
"Isn't this considered breaking and entering?"
"Not if you're not breaking anything." He swung open the surprisedly unlocked door to reveal the tidiest room I've ever seen.
Pictures framed in black and strung together against a perfectly clean white wall, accentuated with matching furniture and pops of mint green in small accessories placed in fitting spots. From what I could see in the kitchen, even the measuring cups were colour coordinated along with some fancy cooking utensils that were probably special ordered from Food Network or some really pricey department store like that.
"Why haven't I broken in here earlier?" Dan said wondrously and started pulling out spray paint cans.
"What do you think you're doing?!" I whisper yelled at him although I wasn't sure why because literally nobody was here and the only way we'd get caught was if Joe barged in with some newly acquired bat hearing. And that was probably in the wide realm of possibility.
Dan gestured to the pristine walls. "Tell me what you see."
"Clean things?"
"Precisely." He said, shook the neon blue spray paint can, and drew a large 'D' on an empty space.
He kept painting over any surface that seemed too nice to leave blank, and there was nothing I could've done unless I wanted to join the walls in the spray paint festival.
And at this point I do believe that this was breaking and entering.
"Very colourful and hard to clean up, much like the said rumour spread."
Dan concluded his masterpiece with a final swipe of blue to create a large exclamation point he'd decided to add last minute to the 'D'.
Tanya and Abigail's room was now streaked with the contents of 6 cans of spray paint, all different colours, and marked with 'D!' as the first thing noticeable when the doors swung open. I almost felt bad.
"What if we get caught?"
He twitched like he had earlier before responding, "Then I take the fall."
__________
"This is Caspar and Alfie's room." He announced, pointing to the door in front of us labeled 183. It was only a floor below us, nearly right under Dan's dorm room. Alluding to the awful shape of the interior, Cheeto dust fingerprints lined the frame and spotted the doorknob a permanent sickly orange. I could already tell the inside would be much worse.
"What did they do?"
"Got the old inspector to quit. They were so disgusted with the uncleanliness of their room; they quit and filed a report saying that never wanted to see it again." He glared into empty space and pushed open the door, carefully like it was under quarantine.
Caspar and Alfie had created a far worse mess than I could've ever imagined. I didn't even want to know why there was a handheld vacuum duct taped to the ceiling, or how many empty bags of snacks they owned. And if that wasn't the worst part, the dirty clothes hanging from a clothesline strung from two corners of the room must've been it, and if not that then probably the literal mountain of dishes that had to be cleaned up.
"Now, I've planned for this one in advance," Dan said matter of factly, and reached for a backpack labeled 'D!' that had been strategically placed in the closet next to the entrance "and I guarantee this is one of the worst ones yet."
He pulled out a Ziplock gallon bag full of dead fish, sloshing grossly around in murky brownish water. I couldn't smell it but if I could, I'd probably set my nose on fire to disguise the scent.
Very carefully, Dan opened the baggie and fished out a dripping wet tiny dead catfish, waving it by the tail and flinging it across the room, where it landed in a pile of miscellaneous supplies so large the fish was definitely lost until the mess was cleaned up. He hid a couple more fish behind the television, dropped one behind the broken refrigerator, hid a few in some shoes, and painted the reoccurring D! on the cleanest wall space before tossing his backpack in the trash can and slamming the door shut behind us.
__________
"Who and why?" I asked as Dan waltzed into another room, labeled 372, and I glanced down the hall to make sure we weren't being watched because I totally feel like we've been caught.
"Emma and Zoe." He said, disappointment lining his tone and nose crinkling in distaste. He didn't answer the second part of the question and I had to push the words at him again while he pulled out a huge can of paint and passed it to me. Clearly I'd been heard, but he didn't bother to acknowledge it.
He ignored me again, and started painting as many curse words as he could with his hands all over the walls, across the ceiling, on every surface he could reach. The fridge was demolished, the countertops stained forever. Even the television was doused in a can of bright orange.
And he drenched the kitchen floor in green and I thought, what did they do to him? Then he took the pink and flung it towards the middle of the room so the paint would pour out the sides and splat against the ceiling and the floor, and I made a mental note to not do anything that would get my room to look like a rainbow had thrown up in it.
"What did they do?" I pressed again, but he brushed it off as if he couldn't hear me. Although he could hear me, because he glanced my way and maintained direct eye contact while he drenched the tile at his feet in a deep orange.
And when he was done destroying everything they owned, Dan walked over to the single wall he'd left blank and hesitated before writing 'S!'.
"What did they do!" I near yelled, hoping it would sink in his mind and he'd tell me why he'd completely trashed their room. And Dan looked back at me with fire in his eyes flickering behind regret. But it was quickly replaced by a crude sneer, and the last of the spray paint can being used on the carpet.
"They did nothing." He growled, dumped the final remnants of the neon blue paint can where the spray paint was dropped, letting it soak in for a second before packing up and leaving without a trace back to his dorm room.
YOU ARE READING
Paper Hearts (Phan)
Fanfiction-NOT MINE- All credit goes to the original author, imaginary-numbers This is just a rewrite of the original story about a different ship so all I changed was (most of) the characters and the American to British stuff. I rewrote this for my best fri...
