Paper Hearts (Phan)

The day before

Dan seemed like he was back to his normal self.

Well, as close to normal as he would ever get, taking into consideration of who he was.

He'd started to try and start sneaking the drinks again, and hell, he knew nobody was going to stop him since he'd been so down and out of it lately. But for some reason, whenever he would pick one up, he'd stare at it for a moment like it was toxic, and cautiously place it back in his refrigerator to save for another time.

I wasn't complaining though; it was a big step in the right direction.

Dan set down the unopened drink in his hands and slammed the fridge door shut, smoke practically flaming from his ears in blind rage with no origin.

His bad mood had cleared up when we made it to the bunch of trees near the jacuzzi, though.

When I glanced behind me just after crossing the river with him, he was smiling bigger than the Cheshire Cat.

"Why are you so happy?"

"Is it a crime to smile once in a while?" He giggled and caught up to me, locking our elbows together until we reached the clearing and the cement hole in the ground everyone was gathered around already.

"Hey Phil," Chris cupped his hands around his mouth and called over to me "I didn't flunk on my lung project."

"What'd you get?" "Solid B-, because only the left lung exploded."

I expected less. Not a lot less, but just less.

I gave him a smile in place of congratulatory words, and sat down next to Dan and to the right of PJ and Cat, who were as usual, closer than ever.

"Heard you two skipped class the other day." PJ mumbled, half asleep on Cat's lap. I wasn't sure where he'd heard that from, but I guess it didn't really matter.

"Mhm." Dan confirmed, and leaned on to my shoulder like my side was a pillow. I didn't object, but I also didn't want him to fall asleep. For some reason I'd been afraid lately that he'd fall asleep and never wake up. Which was absolutely irrational and stupid, but it was like the childhood fear that a shark was swimming in the pool. Like, you know there's literally no way there's a shark swimming next to you and then you go underwater and search for the other side of the pool but the water is just so murky and gross you can't see, and there's a metaphorical shark about to bite you in half.

"We all gotta skip class sometime," Chris suggested "coordinate it or something. Half the teachers couldn't care less - well, except for my anatomy teacher. He literally searches for me each class period."

"That's what you get for setting the anatomy skeleton on fire."

"Fuck off, it was an accident." Chris huffed then laughed loudly, the sound echoing through the trees and lingering in the air like a wispy cloud.

And I wanted so badly to be back on the cliff ledge and watching the stars, even though I knew deep down we shouldn't be because the moments leading up to it had been so terrible and awful that it made me almost want to never repeat it. Then the watermelon candy and pencil shaving smell mixed with the smoke of the cigarette he grabbed on the way out, and I definitely never wanted to have to go through that again.

"You're going to suffocate poor Phil," Cat snickered, pointing to the cigarette in Chris' hand (I hadn't even noticed he had one as well) "he almost died the other day when he tried to smoke for the first time."

Everyone glanced over at me in surprise and preparation to laugh at me, and I said "the key word here is 'tried' and then everyone did laugh, exactly what I'd intended to happen.