Banana

Part 27:all i ever wanted was love

Lauren's Pov

I didn't mean to do it, you know? That night was the beginning of the end. That drunken night in which I threw away any shred of happiness I had with a girl I wished was Camila ruined it all. I called out her name. I couldn't help but call camila's  name as I did something I could never take back. That night, even with the numbness I felt the heartbreak. I felt the lies I wouldn't be able to say with a straight face to the woman I saw myself falling in love with. As my lips trailed the soft skin that felt nothing like the heaven I was used to, I knew I was fucking up and I also knew I couldn't stop. It felt so good , having her underneath me , her skin almost like butter , soft and strangely cool to the touch, but it wasn't Camila. No. Camila's skin was like velvet, it was almost like a cup of hot chocolate on a snowy day. It was smooth, the smoothest of anything i'd ever felt before, the softest most expensive fabric couldn't compare. Sabrina's kisses were wild. I'd take control and make her submit completely and I enjoyed that. But they were nothing compared to the feeling of Camila's lips on mine. The very first time I kissed Camila, i knew , i knew that i would give my life for the feeling of her lips again. I knew I would give her anything in the world if it meant i could kiss her one more time, and that wasn't what I felt with Sabrina, it wasn't what I felt with anyone else.
        Possibly the worst mistake wasn't to sleep with her, no it was to get caught . Getting caught meant rumors , getting caught meant money for management, oh they loved that. Getting caught meant Sabrina becoming my new girlfriend. No one could know they said , not even Camila , and i knew I couldn't do that. Getting caught meant no more talking to the love of my life. You see , I knew I'd fucked up the second I first laid my eyes on Sabrina . I knew I'd fucked up the second I took that drink. My hips swayed to the beat of the song in such a way , i didn't judge her for wanting me. No . This was all on me. And i payed the price, the steep steep price of my happiness.
     I couldn't do it. I couldn't date her for real , oh no , I could do many things but that , I didn't love her, she didn't love me, we both made that very clear. And if it weren't for the goddess invading my brain , making me question every action, making me dread every minute I went without her, maybe I woulda touched Sabrina again. Somebody once told me , time goes by when you're enjoying yourself, my mom did actually, maybe that's why time moved so slowly. I dreaded being awake , i dreaded knowing Camila was out there somewhere suffering because of me. And yet i also dreaded the possibility that she didn't care at all. And so those weeks before I called it quits , they really dragged me down. And so that day that i decided I'd go to her show , that was the day my clock restarted , and the concert came a bit too fast for my liking.

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Decided I'd make you wait til next chapter to see what happens 😉