Turning Points

Chapter 19

'I've been traveling for so long with one heart
On a path that's lined with thorns
They're so sharp and stab me until I nearly can't take it

If life wasn't that difficult
How much strength could our two hands develop
But the human heart still insists it won't get discouraged

During the nights without stars in the sky
I still move forward
I still have true love as my guiding light during the nights I get lost
With dreams ready to be our friends till the end on this path
I still have a destination
As long as there is faint light on the horizon
I'll go until the last light'

Gun switched off the radio. What a fucking depressing song.

Gun sat back and looked out the windscreen. He was parked at the side of the road in a busy market district somewhere in Bangkok. He had had to make a hasty stop while he was driving because he couldn't see the road in front of him.

His eyes had been so full of tears that he refused to let fall and it had momentary blinded him.

Gun had sat in his car taking deep breaths while tears fell from his eyes and depressing Bodyslam songs filled the car for at least 15 minutes before he finally calmed down. Fuck he was such a cliche. He hoped no body had looked into his car while he had had his momentary freak out, how embarrassing. Although Gun couldn't be sure that no body saw him since it was apparently part of  his friends job descriptions these days to film Gun behind his back.

Gun sighed. He sat back in his seat, eyes red and swollen, silently looking out the windscreen and  taking in the sight of crowds of people moving about living their life's, feeling numb and trying his best to not think about anything in particular.

Gun saw a mother and her son pass by his car hand in hand. The little boy was flying his toy plane in the air with his free hand as they walked and the mother smiled fondly down at the child.

Gun wondered how he would react if his mother had still been alive and he found out she had some how betrayed him. Gun frowned a bit. He couldn't think of how he would react because he knew his mother would never do something like that. His mother had been a fierce woman who loved her children dearly.

The people at Gmmtv although they didn't replace his mother, no one could, they did fill the void that her absence had left him. Gun held them  in the same regard as he did his family. They made Gun feel like he was part of a family, a group of people who he belonged to. And to think that these very people he called family had let Off lie to him, fuck with his feelings and heart all in the name of fame and money just made Guns heart clench painfully.

Gun didn't know how to feel. He didn't know if he should feel betrayed, sad, hurt or angry. He did feel stupid though . Extremely fucking stupid for even believing that Off would ever want him, stupid for thinking that he meant something important to Off, so fucking stupid for having hope. Off only thought of Gun as an annoying kid he had to pretend to play nice with so he could further his career. Gun was just a fucking footstool Off was using on his thirst for success.

To Off Gun was easy disposable trash who would be okay with getting his heart played with in the name of fame because apparently Gun was a cold heartless pathetic sap who only cared about his job.

Gun slammed his hand on the steering wheel. Gun had finally decided on which emotion to settle on.

Anger.

He was angry, he was so fucking angry. He was angry at P'Jen, P'Godji and whoever else was involved for letting this happen, he was angry at Off for breaking his heart and mostly he was angry at himself for being a fucking idiot.