the party is pretty loud inside.
i think you're in there.
well i know it because that's why i'm outside.
i never knew the rocks under my shoes could be so utterly fascinating, but i guess it's the little things we don't seem to notice that are unique.
i think about you a lot.
more than i should... god, it's cold out here.
everything about you, how you're probably having the time of your life in there.
kissing girls, boys, whatever it is you're into.
i hope you've moved on from me.
it sucks to feel how i am, with no reason but love that was not on the same line of communication.
it's getting colder. i'm still alone.
i think people are leaving too.
yeah. they're leaving.
the humble melody of cars brings some type of strange comfort, the idea of millions of lives, all simultaneously existing.
parents coming home from late shifts, lovers on scandalous night rides, teenagers— like us, fooling in hours we should be asleep in.
why am i still awake?
we fooled not enough.
i knew i was so serious about you the minute i cursed myself for getting dizzy.
i'd give up anything. and i did.
i feel lame sitting on the sidewalk, like one of those edgy girls you read about, where their lover comes outside and consoles them.
it must be obvious how much of a loser i am.
stupid. repulsive. unwanted.
did you not want all of me?
i probably should be leaving soon,
to my bed where i'd like to think we once cuddled in.
maybe a movie marathon. that'd be cute.
i'm just sitting in the dark. waiting.
my mind has the full grasp of nothing happening, sad reality is, i don't believe anything ever will.
i hope you're having a good time inside, surely i'm not, and i'm leaving now.
the open door i'm giving you is gone.
this is your last chance.
i've said that too much.
i never really leave, do i.
i'm on my feet now, if only i could feel my toes through my boots.
maybe you'll come outside?
do i wait? will you wait? should we wait?
why am i always waiting for things that aren't real?
i'm a hopeless romantic.
you aren't real.
and i hate parties. i hate waiting. i hate everything about this because it's not real.
we aren't here.
and i'm sorry. and i'm alone.
10:53 pm ???
