Dear Jeff [complete]

5. So real

"Love, let me sleep tonight on your couch

And remember the smell of the fabric

Of your simple city dress"

Dear Jeff,

Yesterday I dreamt with you again and, I swear, it was so real. We were still in New York, the city with the brightest lights and people with big dreams but somehow we never felt we fit in there. We had our little dreams (do you remember how we used to talk about a little house in France and maybe some kids?). But yesterday we were in New York again, I was walking beside you holding your hand, laughing at your jokes and hearing you talk about all your new songs.

For a moment, the world was just us. And how I wish I could live forever in those moments there... I would give everything just to see you one more time.

The way you kissed me felt so real... Your soft touch. The tender warmth of your hug. The smell of perfume in your grey sweatshirt in me. You were right beside me, Jeff. Why did it have to be just another dream?

New York was already half asleep when you kissed me goodnight, sleeping in the couch of my living room because I told you I was not ready for a big commitment. What kind of fool was I? For not realizing the love burning in your eyes for me (only for me).

"I love you, honey.", you whispered. And the words made me smile.

I should have told you so many more times that I loved you... 

I still love you, Jeff.

But now, I guess it's too late, when I dream with you and your pretty face just to wake up alone again. My heart is broke and the tears fall down (and I can't stop them) because I know I can't wake up from this nightmare that keeps taking all the happiness from me... I miss you. More than you will ever know.

Last night I dreamt about you, Jeff. In my dreams you are still with me.

And it was all so real.

"And I couldn't awake from the nightmare,

That sucked me in and pulled me under

Pulled me under

Oh, that was so real"