Dear Jeff [complete]

6. Hallelujah

"Well your faith was strong but you needed proof"

Dear Jeff,

Today I went for the church which I haven't done in a really good time to be totally honest with you. I sat next to some old lady holding a crucifix in her wrinkled hands. She was praying, and for a moment I thought to myself if God is capable of listening to all of our prayers. How does He know who to help? Who does He choose: Someone praying for a new big house or a poor man praying for some food?

That old lady kept praying and I wondered if she somehow ever had an answer from God... There were times I prayed so hard to get an answer.

Why did God decide it was your time to leave this cold and sad world? You were so young, Jeff... So full of life. And now you are dead. Buried alone in the dirt.

Why?

I stayed inside the church for long minutes, talking to myself inside my head and wondering if it all will make sense someday. I really hope so, Jeff. I don't know if I can handle this life without you...

Still sitting next to that old lady I heard the preacher talk, saying that God loves deeply all His children. If you ask me, I think that maybe God has His favorites. Why did He leave you to die in that cold river when you had so much to live yet? Why the good people always have to die young?

Why?

Maybe I will never understand. They say that God's intentions are undecipherable to men. I just wanted to know why...

The choir of the church started to sing, their voices echoing through all the church.

Hallelujah... Hallelujah... They kept repeating the same word over and over like some mantra. 

Hallelujah... Hallelujah...

But this time I didn't want to sing along.

There is no Hallelujah if you are not here with me anymore...

"And it's not a cry that you hear at night

It's not somebody who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah"