Theory of Friendship that goes deeper than Love

Cute and Confused

- What were you up to when I was at Pattaya with the girls? - Gun asked, because he didn't contact Off that much the whole weekend always being occupied with something else. Swimming, taking boat rides or just partying with his friends.
- Not much. I visited my family, went to play tennis with Tay and the rest. I also met up with my ex. - Off mentioned the last one just out of curiosity how the younger boy will react. He didn't really let himself think about the reasons why he would want Gun to react in any way.
- You did? - he seemed surprised in a slightly anxious way that made Off smile mentally.
- Yeah. I figured out we can meet, because it will most likely be the last time before she flies abroad.
- Oh, right. - the answer apparently calmed him a bit. - How did it go?
- Chill, we're still friends so it's not like we're gonna become strangers after we broke up. - he looked at Gun and  the boy seemed uneasy. - Well, she is very excited about the scholarship and actually seems kinda relieved that she is free and won't be dealing with any long distance relationship bullshit. - Off shrugged smiling, but Gun just stared at him as if someone pressed 'pause' on him. - What? - Off frowned.
- Nothing. I was just thinking... - he hesitated.
- Thinking...? - the older boy opened his eyes wider waiting for the other one to elaborate.
- You were together quite a long time. - Gun looked at his feet shyly.
- Yeah. That's why it's easy to remain friends, I guess.
- I know, but I mean... You've had a lover and now you don't.
- Well, now I don't. What about it? - the older boy started to get irritated, because he couldn't figure out what was Gun getting at.
- You could do things... Things lovers do and now you don't. - he almost whispered blushing.
- Oh... - Off finally caught up - Are you worried I'm not having any sex anymore? - he smirked amused trying to look Gun in the eyes, but the younger boy successfully avoided it. He just nodded timidly. - It's not a big deal, we haven't done it in months actually. - Off said and it was probably the first time they talked about that kind of stuff ever.
- I-I see. - the younger boy stuttered. It was also months since Papii started to act differently around him. More touchy-feely. Gun blushed at this thought, but it seemed that he was too curious to drop the topic yet. - So, how do you handle it now?
- Hm? How do I... - Off huffed a laugh. That was interesting to hear from Gun. - Well, I don't know, how do YOU handle it? - he asked, but it was obvious he was just making a point. He waited for an answer with his eyebrows raised anyway.
- M-me? - Gun panicked - Just normal, like e-everybody else. - he mumbled, his face now completely red.
- Exactly. How did you think I do HANDLE it? It's not like I would go look for any random person just for that. I'm really not into that kind of solution. - Off said, but Gun still didn't look up. - Gun? - he called the boy's name to make him finally raise his head and it worked. He smiled at the flushed boy. - It was so cute. - he said - You worrying about that. - Gun only pouted still visibly embarrassed. - Hey, don't be shy. We are best friends, it's alright to talk about anything. - the older boy smiled affectionately ruffling the other boy's hair.
- Okay. - he smiled a bit too.
- So~~, speaking about IT. - Off apparently wasn't finished with the embarrassing subject. - You haven't done it yet, right?
- I didn't. - Gun answered shaking his head and avoiding Off's gaze again.  - Why would I? I wouldn't just do it with a random person either. - he said as if he was in need to make an excuse.
- I see. That's good. - Off was somehow really glad about the information - Don't do it. - Off said and Gun looked at him incredulously. - Do it only with a special person that loves you very much. - the older boy smiled lovingly.
- Why do I suddenly feel like you're my mom or something. Talking like that. - Gun giggled not as shy as he was before and Off just rolled his eyes humorously. Was Gun so naive to think it was just a motherly advice?

***

It was New Year's Eve... Well, actually it was New Year's Day already for two hours and Off was lonely. He felt stupid to feel like that, because he spent an amazing time with Gun and GMMTV friends at a special live event they did for the occasion. The younger boy was constantly by his side and there were games and fun with the audience. They did the countdown at midnight and fired that confetti tube or however that is called. They hugged after that and he felt Gun's breath on his neck. He didn't kiss it like usual though. Maybe because there were lots of people backstage or because P'Yui was snapping a photo of them. He wasn't sure, but the photo came out beautiful and he kept staring at it now. They looked like two pieces of matching puzzles hugging like that with Gun being shorter just the right amount of centimetres to fit under his chin. Off took a deep shaky breath closing his eyes for a moment. This situation was so ridiculously tragic, because they have been friends for almost four years and how the hell did things became this way? Off suspected that all of this would be easier if he could somehow figure out Gun's feelings, because the boy sometimes acted a certain way that made Off hopeful, but there were times that he friend-zoned him so much too. It was getting more and more frustrating and it also kind of hurt, even though he was sure it would have never been the younger boy's intention.
All of these feelings were getting a bit out of control and that's why Jumpol was feeling damn lonely tonight, because after the official celebrations the younger boy rushed to meet his friends at a club. Off, on the other hand returned home, because that was what he always did, he never wanted to join a night out. He wanted to spend a time with Gun though. He kept looking at various Instagram stories and today it was different than usual, there weren't just the girls, but also other friends and acquaintances of them and Off couldn't stop thinking that a night like this was a perfect opportunity to meet new people or even to get flirted at. When he imagined some pretty girl making sweet eyes at little Gun or even worse, some handsome guy trying to charm him, he was ready to run and rescue. Would Gun want to be rescued by him though? He had his own life, his own friends outside GMMTV. Off sighed and got into his bed with an intention to just go to sleep so he wouldn't think about Gun being out with other people, having fun without him. He switched off the lights and hugged one of the pillows, but it only made his thoughts wander to the moment earlier this evening when his arms were wrapped around the younger boy. He rarely hugged him as tightly as he wanted, but now he could imagine he is. Although the pillow was not smelling sweetly like Gun and was too soft and squishy. The younger boy's body was so adorably boyish, but wasn't a child's body at all, with all the muscles you could feel under his skin. He was yearning to have Gun in his arms like that, without having anyone ask him "why", without having to explain all the time, but the thing he wanted the most was just for the younger boy to know he is Off's whole world. That's how he was feeling, but he didn't know what exactly should he do with it yet.

***

Around 6 am Gun called Off. He was a bit drunk and apologised for the early hour, but he explained that he wanted to call before bed as they always do and let Papii know he is back home safely. The younger boy wished Off happy new year once again and Off said it certainly will be happy if only Gun will be by his side. This was risky, but Off thought that maybe Gun won't remember the exact words when he sobers up. When they hung up Off was beaming with happiness, because that call was just so sweet and even though Gun was with other people, he remembered their good night call. He remembered Off, was thinking about Off. Even if he was tipsy, even if it was so late, Gun's thoughts automatically returned to no one else but Off.