"Why Did You Have To Go?" A Billie Eilish Story (ON HOLD)

"She Died. I'm sorry for your loss"

(Your going to hate me for this. Sorry.)

BILLIE P.O.V.

When the doctors came back they had an express on their face that made me worry. 

"Miss Eilish, Hartly.. She...She died. I'm sorry for your loss."

"No. no. no. no. no.no. ", I kept repeating in my head. 

"Were sorry."

I was in complete shock. Devastated. I felt like I could hurt someone. Anyone. The one person I loved killed by someone who absolutely hated her. I can't believe Dani would do that. 

"Bil let's go.", my mom said. 

As I got up I couldn't feel anything in me. It was like all emotion I had vanished. I don't think I would ever be the same without her. She was the one person who made me happy. Made me feel wanted. Make me feel like everything was going to be great.. Then that bitch had to go and mess everything up. Well she got what she wanted. My love is gone. Never coming back. 

When I got home I broke down. All the emotion that was kept inside flowed out of me. I wanted something to get all of the hurt, grieve, sadness, anger, out of me. I did the one thing I knew I shouldn't do. But it's what helps everyone when their depressed. So why can't I do it. For the sake of my parents I didn't I decided to write on my wall under the blanket I have hung up on my wall. 

I miss you.

I love you. 

I've been lied to. 

Danielle has to pay. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I kept rewriting those exact words. I love you. I decided to write in my journal to help me try and forget about what happened. I started writing love exact same words I love you. I decided why not write a song. It's the best way I could cope with this sadness.  

It's not true. 

Tell me I've been lied to. 

Crying isn't like you. 

What the hell did I do?

Never been the type to

Let someone see right through

Maybe won't you take it back

Say you were tryna make me laugh

And nothing has to change today

You didn't mean to say "I love you"

I love you and I don't want to

When I finished for now I decided to go and get some water. I couldn't sleep. It wouldn't come to me and if i did I keep replaying what happened in the hospital. As I got down the stairs I hear my mom and dad talking. 

BOLD- Patrick

Bold and Italics- Maggie

"How do you think she needs some time by herself to process what happened."

"I know she should but she should at least have someone help her go through it."

"Patrick, you know we tried that once and what happened after that. She didn't talk to us for one whole year. I don't know if she would want to go to therapy."

"What if I wanted to." I said. 

"How long where you there honey?"

"Long enough. I think I'm going to go back to my room. We can talk in the morning."

I  think going to therapy may help me. I'm in a state that I don't think that I would ever to be able to get out of. 

I need help.