Limerence (Steve Rogers x Male Reader)

How is your absence harder to live with than your presence?

Two weeks had passed since you left that room. Tony had moved you to a room ten floors apart from the room you lived with Steve in. Steve was cut off from you. He had no way of knowing where you were and Tony didn't talk about him to you either. It took you a couple of days to come to terms and accept what all had happened, and to tell yourself that you really were safe and it wasn't a dream.

You told them everything. Starting from the very beginning, the way it all started to how everything broke loose before Tony came to rescue you. SHIELD got involved. You accepted everything that you had denied back at the beach house. Steve was persecuted.

You got daily visits from a therapist. You hated him, he made you talk. He made you relive moments you wished you had forgotten. But deep down, you knew it was helping. The process was violent, but the therapist helped you arrange your thoughts like the Greeks arranged stars into patterns and found constellations.

Dave had tried to see you multiple times. But your refused to see him, you just couldn't. You were mess, he was a mess. And somehow your fucked up math told you two messes don't mix well.

You wanted to see Ethan though, but he never came. Tony contacted him once but he said he was busy. You knew he was still mad at you for what had happened at the beach house. You let Steve beat your best friend and then stood with Steve after it.

Two weeks had passed and today was the day you were going to see Steve. Obviously, with Rogers being the leader of the Avengers (yes, he still held the position even after everything was out), SHIELD had made it sure that neither the legal authorities nor the media was informed. Instead, it was the council that was given the opportunity to make the decision of what was to happen. They gave you two weeks of time to, as they had put it, "get a hold of yourself".

The council was going to hold a hearing. You, Steve, and the other members of the team will be questioned and the final verdict would be declared then and there.

You found yourself pacing the room in nervousness when Tony walked into your room. He sighed, "Don't worry." He said. "I've talked to the team, they've seen enough evidence. They're going to speak in your favor."

"I'm not worrying." You said almost too quickly. "Okay, maybe I am. But it's not about the hearing."

"Are you uncomfortable seeing Steve?"

"Not uncomfortable... Well, maybe yes. But more like jittery. I don't know what I feel, really."

"It'll be okay. I'll be there with you." Tony said as he walked towards you and hugged you.

As he pulled back, you asked a question that had been killing you as soon as you had left that room. "How is he?"

Tony opened his mouth to say something but stopped. He looked at you for a couple of seconds then spoke, "Violent." He said. "He's been looking for trouble ever since you left. Like I had predicted, he went straight to Peter's place after I took you. I helped them dislocate so they're safe. SHIELD put him on house arrest since then."

Surprised by your own thoughts, you found yourself not caring about any of that. You wanted to ask Tony how Steve really was. Had he been taking care of himself? Did he talk about you? After all that had happened, a part of you still craved for him.

"Okay." Was your only reply.

"Are you going to be okay?" Tony asked and you nodded. "Do you want me to leave?" He asked and you nodded again. Sometimes, being alone is the only cure to your loneliness.

***

You didn't know what happened when you saw him. You just lost your senses and ran towards him. Your breaths were heavy and your eyes almost wet. You leaned forward to hug him but he stepped back.

"Wh-"

"Don't act like you've missed me. You know how I feel about lying." Steve said in a grave tone. He had a look of accusation on his face.

Tony put his hand on your shoulder as he stepped in, "Everything okay, Y/N?" He asked and you nodded as Steve walked into the room the hearing was to be held in.

"Hey. Focus, okay?" Tony said, bringing your attention towards him. "They're going to ask a lot of questions in there. You have to stay focused and stable." He said. You didn't reply to him and entered the room after Steve. Before you could find Steve, you saw the other members of the team, Dave and Ethan. "Go sit there." Tony gestured you towards a chair. The room had two chairs in the front facing each other, sizeable distance apart with screens upfront between them. Facing the screens were many chairs which were occupied by the avengers, Fury, Dave and Ethan.

You say on your chair and looked in front of you to see Steve there. You couldn't bear the look on his face so you looked down instead, staring at your fingers as the hearing proceeded.

It started with the council stating the concern at hand, the procedure of the hearing that was to be followed and the rules and requirements of the same. Following this, the avengers were questioned one by one.

First was Fury. He didn't speak much, just answered the questions that the council asked. All of his responses were against Steve though.

Second was Tony. He spoke against Steve as well, had enough evidence and content on him. He talked about the threats that Steve gave to him about Peter as well. You didn't look up.

Clint came after Tony. "Y/N was sexually attracted to Steve ever since he joined the avengers." Clint said, making you look up. "He often talked to me about how he masturbated to Steve's pictures. But I guess he just wanted attention. When Steve tried to make a move, Y/N acted aloof and played hard to get. He's just that kind of a person, really." You looked at Clint with your eyes wide and brows furrowed. You turned to look at Tony who was equally shocked. He locked eyes with you and gestured you to stay calm. You nodded and looked at Steve. Steve was grinning, looking at Clint as he talked. He caught you looking at him and he winked at you, his grin never fainting even once. "He was just using Cap for his fantasies if you ask me, always played around with him and his feelings."

It was at that moment you knew you had changed. You understood what Dave and Ethan had been talking about. A few years ago, you would've stood up and punched the living shit out of Clint. But now, you just felt so powerless.

You raised your hand as Clint's turn got over. A member of the council acknowledged and allowed you to speak. "I wish to talk to Steve before we proceed."

"Acknowledged. You'll be allowed ten minutes in private after the questioning of the witnesses." A member replied, meaning the avengers and others by 'witnesses'. Did that make you the victim? But wasn't it you who allowed it all to happen, making you the culprit?

You nodded and looked down again. You fidgeted with your fingers, thinking of what you were going to stay to Steve andd his possible replies. You didn't know what you wanted to talk about, honestly. You just did.

So you just sat there, looking at your fingers and waiting for the world to end.