The Virus Of Life

Breathe Underwater

* DISCLAIMER: Contains explicit language, violent references, sexual content.

"I've been writing again," I told Ruby as she had approached me and asked what I was doing in the office.

"Music?" Her eyes lit up and I haven't seen this much joy on her face when she looks at me in a long time.

Nodding, I asked if she wanted to hear it. "It's really hard for me to actually sing, though. But I have done it,"

Of course, she agreed and handed me my old Luna acoustic guitar. I looked over to Ruby and smiled nervously.

I began strumming slowly, concentrating extremely hard on playing the right chords I'd been practicing all night, the night before.

I cleared my throat before I began singing. I had to close my eyes because if I didn't, the tears would fall and I wouldn't be able to finish the song.

"My head is a circus / It's all just too much / I guess my best was not good enough / And something is certain / I miss you around / And all that I want is to be with you..."

I took a deep breath and paused playing guitar for only a moment to regain my composure. I looked at Ruby and she nodded for me to continue.

"You kept me breathing under the water / When everyone else left me to drown / You were the light that shone through the darkness / Now I'm blind because you're not around"

That's when the tears came. I cried softly as I continued strumming the chords I'd written. And I had no idea that Ruby was recording this entire thing, or I wouldn't have let myself cry this much. This next verse was the hardest for me to speak out loud. I sobbed a little with every sentence but I made myself power through it for Ruby.

"I know I'm not perfect / I let you down / I guess that I'm paying the price for it now / You kept me breathing under the water / When everyone else left me to drown / You were the light that shone through the darkness / Now I'm blind because you're not around"

I sang louder through the final part, finally finding my strength. I strummed the strings on the guitar harsher, making it louder and completely lost myself in the music until I was nearly screaming by the end of the song.

"I don't know how we got here / But I know I don't belong / I don't know how we got here / Or why I'm holding on / You kept me breathing under the water / When everyone else left me to drown / You were the light that shone through the darkness / Now I'm blind because you're not around / You kept me breathing under the water / When everyone else left me to drown / You were the light that shone through the darkness / Now I'm blind because you're not around!"

I let the final chord ring out and when I opened my eyes to look at Ruby, I saw her own tears flowing down her face.

"That was so fucking beautiful, baby girl. I swear – you have a talent that I've not seen in anyone else. John knew what he was doing when he picked you. And I hope you know none of this was your fault. You are not to blame. I'm so goddamn proud of you for holding on and especially for writing again. I think you should continue writing. Maybe an entire album? I think that would be just fantastic. Maybe you could even write with Corey? You've both been through so much and I think your minds together would be brilliant!"